A Decision

Decisions are something that don't come easy for me.  Do I avoid making decisions sometimes? Yes.  Is it easier to take a step back and let others choose? Sometimes. Would I rather be flexible and OK with a decision made by others than hurt someone in the process? Absolutely.

This is one of the few decisions I am set on.  I am not willing to waiver, just as in my decision to follow Christ.  This decision is more about our child. Not us.  It is a clear decision to put our child and his/her welfare above all else. Above ourselves.  Above our insecurities.

We are choosing open adoption. We are making an intentional decision now to stay in contact with our child's birth-family.  If contact is ever lost with them, or the birth-parent chooses closed adoption, we will keep information available with our adoption agency.  We will stay in contact, even if it looks one-sided.  We are choosing to be open and honest with all aspects of the adoption and his/her birth-family in positive and age-appropriate ways.

We chose our agency for several reasons: they are Christian, they are advocates of open adoption (even though we were a little naive about this aspect at the time), and do domestic infant adoptions.  I am so thankful now, God has led us here.

Open adoption is somewhat recently becoming more common. Our adoption agency describes open adoption in this way, "A fully disclosed open adoption involves a face-to-face meeting between the birth and prospective adoptive parents prior to placement; an exchange of identifying information; and a commitment on both sides to ongoing contact.  The degree of openness in an adoption varies greatly from family to family. Some birth parents want to receive an annual update and pictures while others desire ongoing in-person contact."

This morning I stumbled upon a documentary called "Unlocking the Heart of Adoption" which helped to firmly cement this decision in my mind.  It looked at various people in the adoption triad and how closed adoption left so many lingering questions and desires.  Closed adoptions can leave so much pain in the hearts of those involved especially the child.  There are unique challenges with parenting a child who was placed for adoption, but we are choosing to make it as healthy as possible for our child. 

Open adoption is not a new thing by any means, but was pushed out in the late 1800s when closed adoptions were born.  There was even a time when children were literally "put up" (this term is now a no-no in positive adoption language, please use "placed" instead!) for adoption.  Thousands of orphaned children were actually placed on a train, essentially cleared of their identities, and shipped off to farming communities!  They were put up on blocks and stages for prospective families to shop for a child!! What a horrible image.  One person who was a child of an orphan train told of a time when a farmer, stopped in front of him and grasped his muscles and said he would make a great farm hand!  To read about one person's experience as an orphan on the "orphan train", click here or to learn more about the history of open adoption, click here.