I came across this video tonight, and felt compelled to share. It really encompasses the emotions felt while struggling with infertility (that still can sneak up on us from time to time - even on the road to adoption!). I felt compelled to share it - to help others struggling with infertility know they are not alone & to help others better understand what their friends and loved ones are experiencing as they struggle with infertility.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Homestudy #2, 3 & 4 and where we are now!
Catchy title, huh!
Sorry for the delay on the posts. You could say things have been crazy around here - and I'm sure that's nothing compared to what it will be like when baby arrives!
Typically the homestudy process (aside from the initial paperwork) can last about 2-4 months depending on the family and caseworker's schedules (at least with our agency). Generally couples will have 4-8 interviews. In our case we had 3 meetings, but 4 interviews. The first meeting (I talked about in an earlier post) was at the end of August, we went over the results of our Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis results.
In our second meeting, our caseworker met with us at home to create and discuss our genograms. A genogram is basically a family tree. We made one for each of our families and discussed family member characteristics, relationships, and dynamics. I really gained a lot of insight during this time with our caseworker and studying our genograms. I was able to see where I have gotten certain characteristics as well as grasp a better understanding of how we want our child(ren) to be raised by looking back at specific relationships and events in each of our lives.
Our third and fourth interviews actually took place on the same day at our home (about a week after our 2nd interview). She also came to our home for this meeting. She met with us individually (which is considered 2 interviews) and we discussed various things from where we are in the grieving process from infertility to what we are looking forward to the most about being parents to specific strengths and weaknesses in our marriage. Afterward, she met with the two of us to discuss how we answered each of her questions - and we were right on! Either we are amazing at communication or did a great job coaching each other on what to say beforehand! ;)
During this process, our caseworker also took a look at our home - to verify we had the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, etc we had indicated on our form. She also wrote down the type of flooring, landscaping, etc. Then she is also required to be sure any firearms are stored properly as well as checking for gates around pools.
So the big questions.... where are we in the process now? and when do we get to bring our baby home?
Where are we in the process now? We are currently waiting for our caseworker to compile all of the information she gathered during the homestudy process and write a report. She then shares it with the staff at the agency and then will send it off to the courts for certification! So in the meantime, she has asked us to get our matchbook letter ready for October!
When do we get to bring our baby home? Once we are in the matchbook next month, it could literally be ANY day! The average wait is 1 year, but our caseworker thinks it could be sooner! :) Honestly, your guess is as good as ours! I can faithfully say that God has chosen a perfect baby for us, and he or she will bless our home in God's perfect timing!
When we were attending the adoption classes, 1 couple that spoke to us about their experience with adoption actually had both of their daughters at home within 5 weeks of being in the matchbook! The first adoption was a hospital call I believe, where a birth mother had given birth and decided at the hospital she was ready to place her baby for adoption! The 2nd adoption, they were matched with a birth mom who was about 8 months pregnant just after being in the matchbook again, but baby decided to come earlier!
There's also a very real possibility we could be matched with a birth mom, and she could change her mind or something could change in her situation to where she would be able to parent her child and provide a safe and loving home. In that case we would be heartbroken, but know that this particular baby wasn't meant to be a physical part of our family, but will probably always be in our hearts and prayers. We can only trust (and let go of the handlebars!) in God's perfect plan and hope we were able to make a positive impact in that family's life - or it may be we will forever be impacted by our experience with them!
Sorry for the delay on the posts. You could say things have been crazy around here - and I'm sure that's nothing compared to what it will be like when baby arrives!
Typically the homestudy process (aside from the initial paperwork) can last about 2-4 months depending on the family and caseworker's schedules (at least with our agency). Generally couples will have 4-8 interviews. In our case we had 3 meetings, but 4 interviews. The first meeting (I talked about in an earlier post) was at the end of August, we went over the results of our Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis results.
In our second meeting, our caseworker met with us at home to create and discuss our genograms. A genogram is basically a family tree. We made one for each of our families and discussed family member characteristics, relationships, and dynamics. I really gained a lot of insight during this time with our caseworker and studying our genograms. I was able to see where I have gotten certain characteristics as well as grasp a better understanding of how we want our child(ren) to be raised by looking back at specific relationships and events in each of our lives.
Our third and fourth interviews actually took place on the same day at our home (about a week after our 2nd interview). She also came to our home for this meeting. She met with us individually (which is considered 2 interviews) and we discussed various things from where we are in the grieving process from infertility to what we are looking forward to the most about being parents to specific strengths and weaknesses in our marriage. Afterward, she met with the two of us to discuss how we answered each of her questions - and we were right on! Either we are amazing at communication or did a great job coaching each other on what to say beforehand! ;)
During this process, our caseworker also took a look at our home - to verify we had the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, etc we had indicated on our form. She also wrote down the type of flooring, landscaping, etc. Then she is also required to be sure any firearms are stored properly as well as checking for gates around pools.
So the big questions.... where are we in the process now? and when do we get to bring our baby home?
Where are we in the process now? We are currently waiting for our caseworker to compile all of the information she gathered during the homestudy process and write a report. She then shares it with the staff at the agency and then will send it off to the courts for certification! So in the meantime, she has asked us to get our matchbook letter ready for October!
When do we get to bring our baby home? Once we are in the matchbook next month, it could literally be ANY day! The average wait is 1 year, but our caseworker thinks it could be sooner! :) Honestly, your guess is as good as ours! I can faithfully say that God has chosen a perfect baby for us, and he or she will bless our home in God's perfect timing!
When we were attending the adoption classes, 1 couple that spoke to us about their experience with adoption actually had both of their daughters at home within 5 weeks of being in the matchbook! The first adoption was a hospital call I believe, where a birth mother had given birth and decided at the hospital she was ready to place her baby for adoption! The 2nd adoption, they were matched with a birth mom who was about 8 months pregnant just after being in the matchbook again, but baby decided to come earlier!
There's also a very real possibility we could be matched with a birth mom, and she could change her mind or something could change in her situation to where she would be able to parent her child and provide a safe and loving home. In that case we would be heartbroken, but know that this particular baby wasn't meant to be a physical part of our family, but will probably always be in our hearts and prayers. We can only trust (and let go of the handlebars!) in God's perfect plan and hope we were able to make a positive impact in that family's life - or it may be we will forever be impacted by our experience with them!
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord.
"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT
We don't have any idea what God has in
store for us in these next few months or so, but we do know He has
something wonderful planned regardless of how it happens for He makes
all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans
8:28).
Please continue to pray for protection
for our baby as he or she is growing and developing, pray for our baby's
birth mom and her situation, and pray for our strength as we patiently
wait for God's perfect plan to unfold in every aspect of this adoption
from finances to timing!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Gold Canyon Candle Fundraiser!
Who doesn't love candles?! Fall is here! The holidays are
approaching! Time to fill your house with some yummy new scents and begin to stock up on Christmas gifts for your loved ones!
We are selling the best candles around - Gold Canyon Candles!
There are 15 amazing scents to choose from:
-Apple Spice
-Autumn Walk
-Cinnamon Vanilla
-Clean Sheets
-Cozy Christmas
-Cranberry Orange
-Days of Christmas
-Holiday Wreath
-Moroccan Amber Vanilla
-Mulled Cider
-Pomegranate
-Pumpkin Pie
-Sugar Cookie
-Sweet Pea
-Warm Welcome
Available Prices/Sizes:
26oz - $25 (best value!), 16oz - $21.50, & 8oz - $17
40% of your purchase goes to our adoption fund!! Please contact us if you'd like to get some awesome candles!
We are selling the best candles around - Gold Canyon Candles!
There are 15 amazing scents to choose from:
-Apple Spice
-Autumn Walk
-Cinnamon Vanilla
-Clean Sheets
-Cozy Christmas
-Cranberry Orange
-Days of Christmas
-Holiday Wreath
-Moroccan Amber Vanilla
-Mulled Cider
-Pomegranate
-Pumpkin Pie
-Sugar Cookie
-Sweet Pea
-Warm Welcome
Available Prices/Sizes:
26oz - $25 (best value!), 16oz - $21.50, & 8oz - $17
40% of your purchase goes to our adoption fund!! Please contact us if you'd like to get some awesome candles!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Delay of Gratification
Most of us, if we're honest with ourselves, aren't fans of delayed gratification. Let's face it, we live in an instantaneous society and as technology progresses, our frustrations with delays will only grow. Everything should happen in our time: NOW! Right?!
God doesn't always work that way, and He has a great reason for it.
I was listening to the radio the other day and briefly heard the DJ talking about a blog he had read. The author of the blog offered something to think about:
Let's say you have a friend who is always on time for every lunch date with you. He or she is the epitome of punctuality. Then one day, after years of arriving on time, he/she is late. What are your thoughts? Are you worried? Do you fear something happened? Or do you get angry and disgusted with that person?
More than likely you are worried and would probably try calling them. You wouldn't dare be angry at a dear friend who doesn't show up on your time? Hmm.... but isn't that what we do to God when He doesn't "show up" on OUR time or immediately when we call out to Him?
When YOUR plans fall through or take an abrupt turn You weren't planning for, do you cry out in anger and doubt, or do you patiently wait on His timing? More often than I'd like to admit, the latter doesn't occur nearly as often as it should in my response to trials in my own life.
Suzanne Scheppmann relates this to Old Faithful.
God doesn't always work that way, and He has a great reason for it.
I was listening to the radio the other day and briefly heard the DJ talking about a blog he had read. The author of the blog offered something to think about:
Let's say you have a friend who is always on time for every lunch date with you. He or she is the epitome of punctuality. Then one day, after years of arriving on time, he/she is late. What are your thoughts? Are you worried? Do you fear something happened? Or do you get angry and disgusted with that person?
More than likely you are worried and would probably try calling them. You wouldn't dare be angry at a dear friend who doesn't show up on your time? Hmm.... but isn't that what we do to God when He doesn't "show up" on OUR time or immediately when we call out to Him?
When YOUR plans fall through or take an abrupt turn You weren't planning for, do you cry out in anger and doubt, or do you patiently wait on His timing? More often than I'd like to admit, the latter doesn't occur nearly as often as it should in my response to trials in my own life.
Suzanne Scheppmann relates this to Old Faithful.
Jesus loves us, but that doesn't always translate to Him responding in faithfulness to our time schedule. The geyser, Old Faithful, demonstrates this truth to us. The park guide explained that after the earthquakes in 1959, 1983, and 1998, the average length between the geyser's eruptions increased. Where it once was about 76 minutes, it is now approximately 90 minutes between eruptions. Just like Old Faithful, I have found that as God increases my faith, He sometimes increases the time between my "earthquake" and His rescue. If and when a longer time span does occur between crisis and aid, it allows me to anticipate and depend on His yet unseen faithfulness."
Check out the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead in John 11:1-45. Jesus' friends called out to Him when their brother was dying to heal him. He didn't go immediately, as they hoped He would have, but instead, he waited 2 days before He even began on the journey to Bethany. Upon His arrival, He was greeted with words like, "If only you would have been here sooner...", instead of "Thank you!" They were disappointed because He did not show up on their time. They were unable to see what God could see. All they could see was that Lazarus had already died. He went with Lazarus' sisters to the burial site, where a crowd had gathered. He, after weeping, raises Lazarus from the dead, at which the people are overjoyed and BELIEVED when they saw God at work!
When our earthquakes hit, God might delay. Maybe the delay is to grow our faith. Maybe the delay is so others can see God's glory. In either case, His timing is always perfect.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging...
Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:1-3, 10
Monday, August 29, 2011
Homestudy #1
Wahoo! We are making progress in the process once again. It's nice to be out of waiting and moving toward the next phase of waiting!
Today we met with our caseworker. This was the first of 4-8 meetings with her before we can be certified. We went over the results of our Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis Tests, which we turned in as part of our homestudy packet well over a month ago. For the most part, I would agree with the results of the test, some parts not so much, but it's used more to start a discussion about our temperament and personalities rather than to decide whether or not we are perfect and fit to be parents! It was interesting that focusing or lack of, came up in the discussion as this is one thing I've more recently felt convicted of.
Here's how my mind works when cleaning for example - Start working on the laundry. While hanging clothes in the laundry room, spot the vacuum. Stop doing laundry and start to vacuum. Notice the window on the back door is smudged with doggy nose prints. Stop vacuuming and clean windows. Go to throw out the paper towels and notice the garbage is full. Take out garbage...... and so on (not to mention being distracted by my phone or the computer!).
During our meeting with our caseworker, we discussed my impulsiveness/lack of focus. Afterward, she asked us another question about our personalities. I began answering and midway through my thought I had to stop and ask her what the question was again!
See what my poor, organized, self-disciplined husband has to deal with!
Now where was I.... Oh yeah - the homestudy, part 1! ;)
That was about it for our hour-long meeting today. We will be meeting with her at our home next week to go over family histories/dynamics, and I'm guessing she will take a look at our house some as well.
Thanks for your continued prayers and support - please add a prayer for my ability to focus! :)
Today we met with our caseworker. This was the first of 4-8 meetings with her before we can be certified. We went over the results of our Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis Tests, which we turned in as part of our homestudy packet well over a month ago. For the most part, I would agree with the results of the test, some parts not so much, but it's used more to start a discussion about our temperament and personalities rather than to decide whether or not we are perfect and fit to be parents! It was interesting that focusing or lack of, came up in the discussion as this is one thing I've more recently felt convicted of.
Here's how my mind works when cleaning for example - Start working on the laundry. While hanging clothes in the laundry room, spot the vacuum. Stop doing laundry and start to vacuum. Notice the window on the back door is smudged with doggy nose prints. Stop vacuuming and clean windows. Go to throw out the paper towels and notice the garbage is full. Take out garbage...... and so on (not to mention being distracted by my phone or the computer!).
During our meeting with our caseworker, we discussed my impulsiveness/lack of focus. Afterward, she asked us another question about our personalities. I began answering and midway through my thought I had to stop and ask her what the question was again!
See what my poor, organized, self-disciplined husband has to deal with!
Now where was I.... Oh yeah - the homestudy, part 1! ;)
That was about it for our hour-long meeting today. We will be meeting with her at our home next week to go over family histories/dynamics, and I'm guessing she will take a look at our house some as well.
Thanks for your continued prayers and support - please add a prayer for my ability to focus! :)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Discount Cards Fundraiser
We are now selling XF Platinum MVP cards. These cards are only $20 each and allow you discounts at several local places which you can take advantage of over and over again! Plus you receive a free $25 gift certificate to restaurant.com!! Check them out here*.
You can access even more deals online with the ID code listed on your card! If you are out of state, you can still purchase cards! Go to www.xtramandiscounts.com and enter your zip code to see all of the amazing deals available to you!
For those of you who live nearby, you can present your cards at these places as well to receive some great deals!
-Baci Italian Bistro, Uncle Bear's, Quiznos, Baskin Robbins, Rudy's Restaurant, Cantina Laredo, Jiffy Lube, Discount Golf, Red White & Brew, Tailgater's Grill, Denny's, and Del Peiro
Please let us know if you would like to purchase one. If you are out of state, please use our "Donate" button on the left side of our blog, and be sure to leave us a note that you are wanting to purchase a discount card or you can purchase a card directly from their secured site - http://xtramanteam.com/clubdancestudio.aspx*.
Thanks for your support!
*Please disregard the "Club Dance Studio" logo on the front of the cards, these are actually a No Handlebars fundraiser! :) The owner had extras we could purchase from her to then raise money for our adoption fund. It was cheaper for us to transfer the cards than it was to create new ones.
You can access even more deals online with the ID code listed on your card! If you are out of state, you can still purchase cards! Go to www.xtramandiscounts.com and enter your zip code to see all of the amazing deals available to you!
For those of you who live nearby, you can present your cards at these places as well to receive some great deals!
-Baci Italian Bistro, Uncle Bear's, Quiznos, Baskin Robbins, Rudy's Restaurant, Cantina Laredo, Jiffy Lube, Discount Golf, Red White & Brew, Tailgater's Grill, Denny's, and Del Peiro
Please let us know if you would like to purchase one. If you are out of state, please use our "Donate" button on the left side of our blog, and be sure to leave us a note that you are wanting to purchase a discount card or you can purchase a card directly from their secured site - http://xtramanteam.com/clubdancestudio.aspx*.
Thanks for your support!
*Please disregard the "Club Dance Studio" logo on the front of the cards, these are actually a No Handlebars fundraiser! :) The owner had extras we could purchase from her to then raise money for our adoption fund. It was cheaper for us to transfer the cards than it was to create new ones.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Waiting
I think we are getting pretty good at waiting now. I would even dare to say we're waiting patiently. When I say we, I really mean me - those who know Bobby, know he is as patient as they come! Maybe it's easier for me to be patient because we've (I've) gotten better at waiting over the past couple of years or at least used to waiting. Maybe we're (I'm) more patient, because it's all we can really do. Maybe we're (I'm) more patient, because we've let go of the handlebars and are waiting on God and His always-perfect timing.
So as I mentioned, we're waiting. Patiently.
Just wanted to clue you in to where we are in the process - we are waiting on the next step in adoption certification. We submitted all of our paperwork at our final class about 3 weeks ago, so we are just waiting for them to look over everything and start our home study. From what we've been told, the home study consists of about 3-4 meetings with our caseworker, and at least one of those visits must occur in our home (of course!). The home study looks more into the type of home we will provide rather than the actual house in which we live.
We aren't idle while we are waiting though. We are looking into other possible fundraisers and grants; however, grant applications can't be submitted until we are certified. If you have any ideas on how to raise the funds to bring our little cupcake home, please share! A huge THANK YOU to all of you who have so generously prayed, contributed money, or bought t-shirts. What a blessing! We know God will provide, and we are so grateful for your prayers and support!
And after this next step, we'll wait some more - we will be waiting on God to send us our baby! Yay!
So as I mentioned, we're waiting. Patiently.
Just wanted to clue you in to where we are in the process - we are waiting on the next step in adoption certification. We submitted all of our paperwork at our final class about 3 weeks ago, so we are just waiting for them to look over everything and start our home study. From what we've been told, the home study consists of about 3-4 meetings with our caseworker, and at least one of those visits must occur in our home (of course!). The home study looks more into the type of home we will provide rather than the actual house in which we live.
We aren't idle while we are waiting though. We are looking into other possible fundraisers and grants; however, grant applications can't be submitted until we are certified. If you have any ideas on how to raise the funds to bring our little cupcake home, please share! A huge THANK YOU to all of you who have so generously prayed, contributed money, or bought t-shirts. What a blessing! We know God will provide, and we are so grateful for your prayers and support!
And after this next step, we'll wait some more - we will be waiting on God to send us our baby! Yay!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Class 7: Special Needs and Cross Cultural Adoption
It's been awhile... Sorry for the delay! The past two weeks have definitely been crazy - testing the incoming kindergarteners, training, meetings, setting up my room for the new school year, Parent Orientation, Meet the Teacher Night... well, you get the picture!
This class was by far my favorite, and the one I have been looking forward to the most. It has been the desire of my heart to not only be a mom, but a mom in a multiracial/multicultural family. I think it's a beautiful and amazing thing when God combines people from different cultures, backgrounds, race, and ethnicity to create a family. It mirrors all of us as 1 family - His family - 1 unit - as the body of Christ across the world.
On this night, 2 sets of parents came to speak about their experiences with adoption - 1 family has adopted 2 children with special needs, the other has adopted 2 children cross culturally and are in the process of adopting their 5th child. They spoke about how the public has perceived their adoptions - good or bad. Specifically, the family who has adopted outside of the parents' race, talked about how in Phoenix, generally people are accepting of their family, but experienced something very different when they visited Chicago. On one occasion, they went out to eat as a family. They waited... and waited... and waited some more... to be served, and yet no one came. Finally, the hostess who sat them came over (embarrassed) and said, "I guess I'm your server today!"
Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be OK with our decision, just as not everyone is OK with the two of us married (Bobby - Hispanic, and me - white) or that I wear jeans all summer long or that I might wear white shoes after Labor Day! - that's the kind of world we live in - people judge (I'm guilty of it too!), but we do have to be conscious and aware of how this may affect our child in the future. Thankfully our family and friends are supportive of our decision and will love on our child and celebrate his/her heritage with us. If it weren't for their support, I don't think this would necessarily be a healthy decision for our child.
If you are considering becoming transracial adoptive parents, please also consider the following points from "Transracial Adoption: Then & Now" by Sherry Anderson,
-Consider race seriously: Avoiding a characteristic as significant as race of an individual is to deny the value and beauty of that part of the person.
-Explore your capacity to be comfortable with difference: Are you anxious if you stand out, if people stare at you or confront you? Do you feel less than okay if you are different from your peers?
-Be honest with your family and friends as you plan and dream: Listen to their reactions. Think about the level and type of support they currently provide and how much you need them in your life.
-When thinking of adoption older children whose cultural/racial background is different than yours, be aware of their cultural experiences to date: Have they always lived in homes of their culture? Do they have life experiences with persons of the majority culture, not counting their caseworker? Are they able to express fears and concerns they may have based on these experiences?
-Survey your community-schools, places of worship, playgrounds. Who is there? Will your child find role models and peers who look like him/her? If the answer is "No," are you willing to relocate and integrate yourself into a community that does offer positive cultural experiences for your child?
This class was by far my favorite, and the one I have been looking forward to the most. It has been the desire of my heart to not only be a mom, but a mom in a multiracial/multicultural family. I think it's a beautiful and amazing thing when God combines people from different cultures, backgrounds, race, and ethnicity to create a family. It mirrors all of us as 1 family - His family - 1 unit - as the body of Christ across the world.
On this night, 2 sets of parents came to speak about their experiences with adoption - 1 family has adopted 2 children with special needs, the other has adopted 2 children cross culturally and are in the process of adopting their 5th child. They spoke about how the public has perceived their adoptions - good or bad. Specifically, the family who has adopted outside of the parents' race, talked about how in Phoenix, generally people are accepting of their family, but experienced something very different when they visited Chicago. On one occasion, they went out to eat as a family. They waited... and waited... and waited some more... to be served, and yet no one came. Finally, the hostess who sat them came over (embarrassed) and said, "I guess I'm your server today!"
Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be OK with our decision, just as not everyone is OK with the two of us married (Bobby - Hispanic, and me - white) or that I wear jeans all summer long or that I might wear white shoes after Labor Day! - that's the kind of world we live in - people judge (I'm guilty of it too!), but we do have to be conscious and aware of how this may affect our child in the future. Thankfully our family and friends are supportive of our decision and will love on our child and celebrate his/her heritage with us. If it weren't for their support, I don't think this would necessarily be a healthy decision for our child.
If you are considering becoming transracial adoptive parents, please also consider the following points from "Transracial Adoption: Then & Now" by Sherry Anderson,
-Consider race seriously: Avoiding a characteristic as significant as race of an individual is to deny the value and beauty of that part of the person.
-Explore your capacity to be comfortable with difference: Are you anxious if you stand out, if people stare at you or confront you? Do you feel less than okay if you are different from your peers?
-Be honest with your family and friends as you plan and dream: Listen to their reactions. Think about the level and type of support they currently provide and how much you need them in your life.
-When thinking of adoption older children whose cultural/racial background is different than yours, be aware of their cultural experiences to date: Have they always lived in homes of their culture? Do they have life experiences with persons of the majority culture, not counting their caseworker? Are they able to express fears and concerns they may have based on these experiences?
-Survey your community-schools, places of worship, playgrounds. Who is there? Will your child find role models and peers who look like him/her? If the answer is "No," are you willing to relocate and integrate yourself into a community that does offer positive cultural experiences for your child?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Class 6: Covenant & Commitment
We aren't just adding a baby to our family of 2 (Oops! Family of 4 - can't forget Oliver and Fitzy! Sorry, pups!), but we will also be adding a whole other family! I love how one adoptive mom said it, "The more people to love my child the better," and Bobby and I couldn't agree more! Now of course I know this may not always be sunshine and lollipops. Think about that one person in your family - the one that makes the saying "You can't choose your family" all the more devastating. If you can't think of who in your family this could be, take a look in the mirror... ;) We could vary well be adding a crazy aunt into the mix without knowing it! Ha! Remember my post a few weeks ago - Bobby and I are "risk takers". ;)
Last night's class was all about creating a covenant with the birth-parent(s) in regards to how we will establish and maintain contact and develop a relationship as our child grows. We looked at an example of an adoption plan or covenant. It is a little overwhelming initially as it is very detailed in order to protect all involved especially the child. Our hope and prayer is that a beautiful relationship develops from this and following these terms will be easy and natural. Here are just a few terms from the example covenant -
"It has been agreed that during the first quarter following placement, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. During the remainder of the first year, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. In ongoing years, meetings will be held _____ [times per year]. Meetings will be held more often if both parties agree. Either party may initiate meetings, with the understanding that all meetings should be held in advance. Specific dates, times and location of meetings will be arranged between the parties."
"It was agreed that meetings may include _____ [name of specific person]. Out of respect for both parties, any other family or friends may not join in the meetings without the prior knowledge and approval of all parties. Visits may be canceled if either party brings an unexpected guest or guests to the meeting."
"The adoptive parents agreed to allow birth parent to purchase items for child not exceeding $___. Gifts may be given at ____ [birthday, Christmas, etc.]"
"It was decided that phone calls, e-mails and gifts from other birth-family members may ____ [occur/not occur]."
As I mentioned these are just a few of the items covered in the covenant agreement. Other things can be included if necessary such as a term regarding social media or permission to publish photos. Or, if needed, an item about birth-mother/father needing to be sober or clean during a meeting.
One of the great things about going through our agency or almost any agency for that matter, is the ongoing support we have with them. They can provide counseling or mediation if that is ever necessary. They can also hold letters, pictures, etc. in a file so that if contact is lost with the birth-mother or birth-father, he/she can obtain those from the agency when able to.
We really love our agency and the hearts of those working there! God has definitely blessed us with amazing support. Although we knew open adoption was the best for our child and this was part of the reason we chose our agency, this whole process would have been too much to handle without the support of our agency, and of course all of the amazing family and friends!
Thank you, God, for surrounding us with all this love and support! We are truly blessed! Thank you for making it easier to let go of the handlebars!
Last night's class was all about creating a covenant with the birth-parent(s) in regards to how we will establish and maintain contact and develop a relationship as our child grows. We looked at an example of an adoption plan or covenant. It is a little overwhelming initially as it is very detailed in order to protect all involved especially the child. Our hope and prayer is that a beautiful relationship develops from this and following these terms will be easy and natural. Here are just a few terms from the example covenant -
"It has been agreed that during the first quarter following placement, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. During the remainder of the first year, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. In ongoing years, meetings will be held _____ [times per year]. Meetings will be held more often if both parties agree. Either party may initiate meetings, with the understanding that all meetings should be held in advance. Specific dates, times and location of meetings will be arranged between the parties."
"It was agreed that meetings may include _____ [name of specific person]. Out of respect for both parties, any other family or friends may not join in the meetings without the prior knowledge and approval of all parties. Visits may be canceled if either party brings an unexpected guest or guests to the meeting."
"The adoptive parents agreed to allow birth parent to purchase items for child not exceeding $___. Gifts may be given at ____ [birthday, Christmas, etc.]"
"It was decided that phone calls, e-mails and gifts from other birth-family members may ____ [occur/not occur]."
As I mentioned these are just a few of the items covered in the covenant agreement. Other things can be included if necessary such as a term regarding social media or permission to publish photos. Or, if needed, an item about birth-mother/father needing to be sober or clean during a meeting.
One of the great things about going through our agency or almost any agency for that matter, is the ongoing support we have with them. They can provide counseling or mediation if that is ever necessary. They can also hold letters, pictures, etc. in a file so that if contact is lost with the birth-mother or birth-father, he/she can obtain those from the agency when able to.
We really love our agency and the hearts of those working there! God has definitely blessed us with amazing support. Although we knew open adoption was the best for our child and this was part of the reason we chose our agency, this whole process would have been too much to handle without the support of our agency, and of course all of the amazing family and friends!
Thank you, God, for surrounding us with all this love and support! We are truly blessed! Thank you for making it easier to let go of the handlebars!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Good Grief
Is grief ever good?
Grief is funny. It sneaks up on you and can surprise you, but maybe on this day I surprised it. On Friday, Bobby and I headed to the Dr. for physicals for our adoption certification. One of the questions the dr. has to answer on the physician's report for our agency is "Is there any reason this individual cannot have children of his/her own?" I saw the doctor write on Bobby's form, "Wife unable to conceive," and for a split second it hit me. Grief. But it didn't overtake me. It was almost as if a needle pierced my skin to draw blood. I felt the pinch briefly, but then it was over just as quickly as it began. Was it always that "easy"?? NO!!! From now on, will it always be that "easy"?? Not sure, but here is what I do know -
The Bible talks about grief. It doesn't say that it's unacceptable. It doesn't say you are wrong for grieving. When Lazarus died, Jesus wept openly, even though He knew He would soon bring him back from the dead. Jesus, in all ways perfect, grieved or felt sorrow in stories throughout the Bible. Whether or not He grieved because He was troubled or because He empathized in each of these stories, it shows He is a God who cares. If the Creator of the Universe grieves, and we are created in His image, then isn't it OK for us to do the same?
Beth Moore writes, "God's Word never said we were not to grieve our losses. It says we are not to grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thess. 4:13). Big difference." Solid faith does not prevent someone from grieving, but because of our faith there can and should be hope as we grieve!
3 steps to recovery (CBN.com)
Grieve - Though grief is bitter, we must let sorrow run it's natural course. Isaiah 53:3b describes Jesus as "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Denying or repressing pain can lead to emotional problems.
Believe - We need to put our faith in God's promises, trusting that our Heavenly Father knows best and that His understanding is perfect. Isaiah 55:9 says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, My thoughts than your thoughts."
Receive - God desires to give us comfort, but we need to reach out and accept it. Through prayer and meditation on His Word, we can find a place in God's presence where He will wrap His arms around us as a loving father would console his hurting child.
How you can help others who are grieving (CBN.com)
-Ask God for guidance in when to speak and what to say.
-Encourage the bereaved person to share his or her feelings, then be a good listener and don't judge what is said. Romans 12:15b says, "Weep with those who weep."
-Avoid platitudes. Let the person feel sorrow without implying that he or she should "cheer up" or "be joyful in the Lord," as this could give impression you are questioning the person's spirituality.
-Don't push or preach, but if the person indicates an openness, pray and share meaningful Scriptures.
-Do simple things without being asked, such as bringing a meal or mowing the lawn.
Loss can hit us at any moment, but we must remember it is good to grieve, and allow ourselves to do so!
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to grieve and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4.
Grief is funny. It sneaks up on you and can surprise you, but maybe on this day I surprised it. On Friday, Bobby and I headed to the Dr. for physicals for our adoption certification. One of the questions the dr. has to answer on the physician's report for our agency is "Is there any reason this individual cannot have children of his/her own?" I saw the doctor write on Bobby's form, "Wife unable to conceive," and for a split second it hit me. Grief. But it didn't overtake me. It was almost as if a needle pierced my skin to draw blood. I felt the pinch briefly, but then it was over just as quickly as it began. Was it always that "easy"?? NO!!! From now on, will it always be that "easy"?? Not sure, but here is what I do know -
The Bible talks about grief. It doesn't say that it's unacceptable. It doesn't say you are wrong for grieving. When Lazarus died, Jesus wept openly, even though He knew He would soon bring him back from the dead. Jesus, in all ways perfect, grieved or felt sorrow in stories throughout the Bible. Whether or not He grieved because He was troubled or because He empathized in each of these stories, it shows He is a God who cares. If the Creator of the Universe grieves, and we are created in His image, then isn't it OK for us to do the same?
Beth Moore writes, "God's Word never said we were not to grieve our losses. It says we are not to grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thess. 4:13). Big difference." Solid faith does not prevent someone from grieving, but because of our faith there can and should be hope as we grieve!
3 steps to recovery (CBN.com)
Grieve - Though grief is bitter, we must let sorrow run it's natural course. Isaiah 53:3b describes Jesus as "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Denying or repressing pain can lead to emotional problems.
Believe - We need to put our faith in God's promises, trusting that our Heavenly Father knows best and that His understanding is perfect. Isaiah 55:9 says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, My thoughts than your thoughts."
Receive - God desires to give us comfort, but we need to reach out and accept it. Through prayer and meditation on His Word, we can find a place in God's presence where He will wrap His arms around us as a loving father would console his hurting child.
How you can help others who are grieving (CBN.com)
-Ask God for guidance in when to speak and what to say.
-Encourage the bereaved person to share his or her feelings, then be a good listener and don't judge what is said. Romans 12:15b says, "Weep with those who weep."
-Avoid platitudes. Let the person feel sorrow without implying that he or she should "cheer up" or "be joyful in the Lord," as this could give impression you are questioning the person's spirituality.
-Don't push or preach, but if the person indicates an openness, pray and share meaningful Scriptures.
-Do simple things without being asked, such as bringing a meal or mowing the lawn.
Loss can hit us at any moment, but we must remember it is good to grieve, and allow ourselves to do so!
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to grieve and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Class 5: Birth Parent Experience
Wow! What a week!
We had an amazing time at 5-6th grade summer camp this week. So cool to see God work in the lives of these pre-teens, and I am so excited to see how He uses them! So thankful to be part of that.
Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of camp, we had to leave camp in Prescott for our 5th adoption class in Phoenix. My 5th & 6th grade girls were so sweet and supportive of our adoption, and us leaving midweek. A couple of them asked if we would bring the baby back with us on Wednesday (had to do a little more explaining!).
This class was by far my favorite. I think Bobby would agree as well. I think it was because it brought to life one of the aspects of adoption we didn't really know much about. We also had some guest speakers. We went a little more in depth on what birth-parents go through. It was definitely heart-breaking to hear about the adoption experience through their eyes, but so insightful. It really reiterated how strong of a person they have to be and how much they really do love their child to want so much more for him or her.
We had 3 guest speakers that night - a birth mother and 2 adoptive parents. Typically in this class they have the birth-mother and the adoptive parents who adopted her child, but this time it was 2 different families. I actually really liked that we were able to hear 2 different stories v. just 1.
The birth-mother was maybe 20?? and I believe her son is now 1. She spoke of how she was adopted as well and how she knew in her heart adoption would be the way to make a better life for her son. His father was in jail, and she knew having a baby in her home with her brother and parents would potentially be a source of stress and strain. She wanted her son to never feel as if he was a burden. She wanted him to always feel loved, and so she choose adoption for her child even though she had very little support from her family. Currently she has an amazing relationship with the family who adopted her son and is helping other birth-mothers!
The adoptive parents who spoke have adopted 2 girls (1 is now 3, and the other is 1). Their 1st daughter came into their lives after only being certified to adopt for 5 weeks! They received a "hospital call" on April Fool's Day. For those of you who are not familiar with that term, a hospital call is when a birth-mother decides when in labor or just after the birth to place the child for adoption, and you are selected! They were matched with their 2nd daughter when the birth-mother was about 8 months pregnant (again after being in the matchbook for only 5 weeks!). They were relieved to think they had about a month to prepare for this baby, but the relief quickly faded when a couple of days later they received the call that the birth-mother was in pre-term labor! They also discussed their current relationships with the birth-families of both of their daughters.
There was not a dry-eye (well for the women, anyway!) when these 3 amazing people shared their stories. It made it seem even more real that soon we will have our own baby in our home, and hopefully another family in our lives to love on! So excited to see how God brings it all together - even if that means it all happens within a few weeks of being certified!
We had an amazing time at 5-6th grade summer camp this week. So cool to see God work in the lives of these pre-teens, and I am so excited to see how He uses them! So thankful to be part of that.
Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of camp, we had to leave camp in Prescott for our 5th adoption class in Phoenix. My 5th & 6th grade girls were so sweet and supportive of our adoption, and us leaving midweek. A couple of them asked if we would bring the baby back with us on Wednesday (had to do a little more explaining!).
This class was by far my favorite. I think Bobby would agree as well. I think it was because it brought to life one of the aspects of adoption we didn't really know much about. We also had some guest speakers. We went a little more in depth on what birth-parents go through. It was definitely heart-breaking to hear about the adoption experience through their eyes, but so insightful. It really reiterated how strong of a person they have to be and how much they really do love their child to want so much more for him or her.
We had 3 guest speakers that night - a birth mother and 2 adoptive parents. Typically in this class they have the birth-mother and the adoptive parents who adopted her child, but this time it was 2 different families. I actually really liked that we were able to hear 2 different stories v. just 1.
The birth-mother was maybe 20?? and I believe her son is now 1. She spoke of how she was adopted as well and how she knew in her heart adoption would be the way to make a better life for her son. His father was in jail, and she knew having a baby in her home with her brother and parents would potentially be a source of stress and strain. She wanted her son to never feel as if he was a burden. She wanted him to always feel loved, and so she choose adoption for her child even though she had very little support from her family. Currently she has an amazing relationship with the family who adopted her son and is helping other birth-mothers!
The adoptive parents who spoke have adopted 2 girls (1 is now 3, and the other is 1). Their 1st daughter came into their lives after only being certified to adopt for 5 weeks! They received a "hospital call" on April Fool's Day. For those of you who are not familiar with that term, a hospital call is when a birth-mother decides when in labor or just after the birth to place the child for adoption, and you are selected! They were matched with their 2nd daughter when the birth-mother was about 8 months pregnant (again after being in the matchbook for only 5 weeks!). They were relieved to think they had about a month to prepare for this baby, but the relief quickly faded when a couple of days later they received the call that the birth-mother was in pre-term labor! They also discussed their current relationships with the birth-families of both of their daughters.
There was not a dry-eye (well for the women, anyway!) when these 3 amazing people shared their stories. It made it seem even more real that soon we will have our own baby in our home, and hopefully another family in our lives to love on! So excited to see how God brings it all together - even if that means it all happens within a few weeks of being certified!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Class 4: Raising the Adopted Child - Adoption and the Lifelong Search for Self
This post is a little delayed. We had class 4 days ago! Honestly, I haven't really known what to write about. For the most part, this class seemed to be commonsense.
The caseworker who led this class struggled with infertility for many years, and she and her husband decided to adopt. They adopted twin girls at birth, who are now 18 years old. I think I would have enjoyed the class much more, if we knew this before class and could hear more about her experiences along with some time for Q&A. She's got to be a wealth of knowledge!
One of the most important things I got from this class was learning more about the importance of attachment with our babies. The baby experiences so many things in utero, which we cannot be a part of. A lot of brain development also occurs at this time. It is crucial that we are very intentional in developing a bond and working toward attachment with our baby. We must be the ones who are meeting the needs of our baby. We must be the ones holding and soothing our little one for at least the first 3 months. Sorry Grandmas (we will still need your help in other ways early on!)!!! This will be hard on us too! We've wanted to add a baby to our family for so long, and we won't get to do any of the showing off initially!!! But we need to set aside our wants for our baby's needs. Maybe we will have to make some, "You can look, but not touch!" onesies! Ha!
At the end of this class we were shown this very sweet, but very cheesy video. Maybe some of you have seen it before. I think it was a good way to end the class. It is important to be prepared and do the very best you can with your child(ren), but it's also important to savor those ordinary moments and ordinary days - we don't get those back.
The caseworker who led this class struggled with infertility for many years, and she and her husband decided to adopt. They adopted twin girls at birth, who are now 18 years old. I think I would have enjoyed the class much more, if we knew this before class and could hear more about her experiences along with some time for Q&A. She's got to be a wealth of knowledge!
One of the most important things I got from this class was learning more about the importance of attachment with our babies. The baby experiences so many things in utero, which we cannot be a part of. A lot of brain development also occurs at this time. It is crucial that we are very intentional in developing a bond and working toward attachment with our baby. We must be the ones who are meeting the needs of our baby. We must be the ones holding and soothing our little one for at least the first 3 months. Sorry Grandmas (we will still need your help in other ways early on!)!!! This will be hard on us too! We've wanted to add a baby to our family for so long, and we won't get to do any of the showing off initially!!! But we need to set aside our wants for our baby's needs. Maybe we will have to make some, "You can look, but not touch!" onesies! Ha!
At the end of this class we were shown this very sweet, but very cheesy video. Maybe some of you have seen it before. I think it was a good way to end the class. It is important to be prepared and do the very best you can with your child(ren), but it's also important to savor those ordinary moments and ordinary days - we don't get those back.
"The Gift of an Ordinary Day" by Katrina Henison.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A Decision
Decisions are something that don't come easy for me. Do I avoid making decisions sometimes? Yes. Is it easier to take a step back and let others choose? Sometimes. Would I rather be flexible and OK with a decision made by others than hurt someone in the process? Absolutely.
This is one of the few decisions I am set on. I am not willing to waiver, just as in my decision to follow Christ. This decision is more about our child. Not us. It is a clear decision to put our child and his/her welfare above all else. Above ourselves. Above our insecurities.
We are choosing open adoption. We are making an intentional decision now to stay in contact with our child's birth-family. If contact is ever lost with them, or the birth-parent chooses closed adoption, we will keep information available with our adoption agency. We will stay in contact, even if it looks one-sided. We are choosing to be open and honest with all aspects of the adoption and his/her birth-family in positive and age-appropriate ways.
We chose our agency for several reasons: they are Christian, they are advocates of open adoption (even though we were a little naive about this aspect at the time), and do domestic infant adoptions. I am so thankful now, God has led us here.
Open adoption is somewhat recently becoming more common. Our adoption agency describes open adoption in this way, "A fully disclosed open adoption involves a face-to-face meeting between the birth and prospective adoptive parents prior to placement; an exchange of identifying information; and a commitment on both sides to ongoing contact. The degree of openness in an adoption varies greatly from family to family. Some birth parents want to receive an annual update and pictures while others desire ongoing in-person contact."
This morning I stumbled upon a documentary called "Unlocking the Heart of Adoption" which helped to firmly cement this decision in my mind. It looked at various people in the adoption triad and how closed adoption left so many lingering questions and desires. Closed adoptions can leave so much pain in the hearts of those involved especially the child. There are unique challenges with parenting a child who was placed for adoption, but we are choosing to make it as healthy as possible for our child.
Open adoption is not a new thing by any means, but was pushed out in the late 1800s when closed adoptions were born. There was even a time when children were literally "put up" (this term is now a no-no in positive adoption language, please use "placed" instead!) for adoption. Thousands of orphaned children were actually placed on a train, essentially cleared of their identities, and shipped off to farming communities! They were put up on blocks and stages for prospective families to shop for a child!! What a horrible image. One person who was a child of an orphan train told of a time when a farmer, stopped in front of him and grasped his muscles and said he would make a great farm hand! To read about one person's experience as an orphan on the "orphan train", click here or to learn more about the history of open adoption, click here.
This is one of the few decisions I am set on. I am not willing to waiver, just as in my decision to follow Christ. This decision is more about our child. Not us. It is a clear decision to put our child and his/her welfare above all else. Above ourselves. Above our insecurities.
We are choosing open adoption. We are making an intentional decision now to stay in contact with our child's birth-family. If contact is ever lost with them, or the birth-parent chooses closed adoption, we will keep information available with our adoption agency. We will stay in contact, even if it looks one-sided. We are choosing to be open and honest with all aspects of the adoption and his/her birth-family in positive and age-appropriate ways.
We chose our agency for several reasons: they are Christian, they are advocates of open adoption (even though we were a little naive about this aspect at the time), and do domestic infant adoptions. I am so thankful now, God has led us here.
Open adoption is somewhat recently becoming more common. Our adoption agency describes open adoption in this way, "A fully disclosed open adoption involves a face-to-face meeting between the birth and prospective adoptive parents prior to placement; an exchange of identifying information; and a commitment on both sides to ongoing contact. The degree of openness in an adoption varies greatly from family to family. Some birth parents want to receive an annual update and pictures while others desire ongoing in-person contact."
This morning I stumbled upon a documentary called "Unlocking the Heart of Adoption" which helped to firmly cement this decision in my mind. It looked at various people in the adoption triad and how closed adoption left so many lingering questions and desires. Closed adoptions can leave so much pain in the hearts of those involved especially the child. There are unique challenges with parenting a child who was placed for adoption, but we are choosing to make it as healthy as possible for our child.
Open adoption is not a new thing by any means, but was pushed out in the late 1800s when closed adoptions were born. There was even a time when children were literally "put up" (this term is now a no-no in positive adoption language, please use "placed" instead!) for adoption. Thousands of orphaned children were actually placed on a train, essentially cleared of their identities, and shipped off to farming communities! They were put up on blocks and stages for prospective families to shop for a child!! What a horrible image. One person who was a child of an orphan train told of a time when a farmer, stopped in front of him and grasped his muscles and said he would make a great farm hand! To read about one person's experience as an orphan on the "orphan train", click here or to learn more about the history of open adoption, click here.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Class 3: Healthy Adoption Experience
Before going to this class tonight, I didn't really have much expectation for what we would really discuss; I mean "Healthy Adoption Experience" encompasses so many things I couldn't even begin to grasp what we would cover tonight prior to attending. As it turns out, we did cover a variety of topics related to a healthy adoption experience.
One thing that sticks out most from this evening was what No Handlebars is all about - Letting Go & Letting God Steer! It is amazing to look back on our entire lives even before we knew each other and how God has used so many different experiences in our lives to shape us into the people we are today and the adoptive parents we will be tomorrow (No, there is not something you should know! This would be a completely different post! I meant that figuratively speaking!!). Just as He knit me together in my mother's womb and knows every hair on my head, He has known the path He has laid out for me.
There are 3 specific things which have happened in my life that I think have helped me prepare for this journey and to help me relate more to our child and his or her birth-mother. When I was going through those things, I knew there was a reason for them, but it wasn't revealed to me until recently. Even when we go through storms in our lives, we have to TRUST God knows far more than we do, and has a reason (oftentimes several reasons!) for those storms or experiences.
Without going into too much detail, one of the things I have experienced in my life is the feeling of rejection. Whether or not I was rejected by a specific person may not have been a reality, but it was and still feels very real to me to this very day. It was/is my reality. I can't help but wonder if our child may feel that way. He or she will be placed for adoption. Of course, this mother will be placing her child in our arms out of selflessness and love for her child, not because she is rejecting him or her, but I wonder if our child may feel rejected because of this at times. Even if it may not be reality, will it feel very real to him or her? My prayer is we will be able to have an open adoption where our child knows his/her birth-family and is comfortable to ask us and his/her birth-mother those questions when/if those heavy feelings arise.
Some time ago, my husband and I took a birth-mother into our home for a short period. We didn't realize it at that time, but for that very short period we were able to see first hand, what may be going on in a birth-mother's life for her to want to chose something better for her child. I think this will help us to have greater empathy for our child's birth-mom.
On that same note, we have also seen how God, through our prayers, can protect tiny little babies from harmful things some birth-mothers are putting into their bodies. That's why we have been praying for our little baby now (and ask you to do the same if you haven't already!). We don't know if our baby has been conceived in a birth-mother's womb yet or not (although this little one has definitely been conceived in our hearts!!!) but we do know, God can protect our baby.
Infertility has also prepared us for this journey in several ways. It has helped me to trust God more. It has caused me to grieve for our child we planned to conceive and I had planned to carry and give birth too. Our child's birth-mother probably did not plan for this pregnancy, but she will have to grieve the loss of being able to parent her child. As I have mentioned before, it breaks my heart to know we will be the cause of some of her pain. We will be leaving the hospital with her dream. Just as she has something we have not been able to experience - pregnancy and birthing a child, we have something she is not currently able to experience - a loving, stable home to raise a child.
Another hard, but very real topic was discussed this evening. Honestly, it is one of my greatest fears as an adoptive-mom-to-be. There is a very real possibility the birth-mother could change her mind. We will be matched at some point with a birth-mother. She could decide at 9 months she can't go through with the adoption and keep her baby. It's even possible after the baby is born she decides adoption isn't the best for her and her baby or she isn't strong enough. Or even more difficult to fathom, she could decide once we have brought her baby home, she would like to parent her child. Oftentimes, a baby is released from the hospital and would go home with the adoptive parents. The earliest a birth-mother would be asked to sign relinquishment would be 72 hours after the birth (later if it's a weekend or she's on any type of pain medication). This means, we could potentially have a baby in our home to love, take care of, and attach to, only to return the baby to his/her birth-mother a week later. I pray this is something we won't have to experience, but this is where it is so amazing to know God! He is in control and has a perfect plan for everyone involved! There's such amazing peace when you truly believe and know that!
So I guess if you didn't think of Bobby and I as risk-takers before, you should now! Ha! So I'm going to be cheesy for a moment... wait for it...
It's so much easier to be a risk-taker, when you let go of the handlebars!!!
How beautiful is that verse? God can make ALL things beautiful again! There is so much hope in that verse!
One thing that sticks out most from this evening was what No Handlebars is all about - Letting Go & Letting God Steer! It is amazing to look back on our entire lives even before we knew each other and how God has used so many different experiences in our lives to shape us into the people we are today and the adoptive parents we will be tomorrow (No, there is not something you should know! This would be a completely different post! I meant that figuratively speaking!!). Just as He knit me together in my mother's womb and knows every hair on my head, He has known the path He has laid out for me.
There are 3 specific things which have happened in my life that I think have helped me prepare for this journey and to help me relate more to our child and his or her birth-mother. When I was going through those things, I knew there was a reason for them, but it wasn't revealed to me until recently. Even when we go through storms in our lives, we have to TRUST God knows far more than we do, and has a reason (oftentimes several reasons!) for those storms or experiences.
Without going into too much detail, one of the things I have experienced in my life is the feeling of rejection. Whether or not I was rejected by a specific person may not have been a reality, but it was and still feels very real to me to this very day. It was/is my reality. I can't help but wonder if our child may feel that way. He or she will be placed for adoption. Of course, this mother will be placing her child in our arms out of selflessness and love for her child, not because she is rejecting him or her, but I wonder if our child may feel rejected because of this at times. Even if it may not be reality, will it feel very real to him or her? My prayer is we will be able to have an open adoption where our child knows his/her birth-family and is comfortable to ask us and his/her birth-mother those questions when/if those heavy feelings arise.
Some time ago, my husband and I took a birth-mother into our home for a short period. We didn't realize it at that time, but for that very short period we were able to see first hand, what may be going on in a birth-mother's life for her to want to chose something better for her child. I think this will help us to have greater empathy for our child's birth-mom.
On that same note, we have also seen how God, through our prayers, can protect tiny little babies from harmful things some birth-mothers are putting into their bodies. That's why we have been praying for our little baby now (and ask you to do the same if you haven't already!). We don't know if our baby has been conceived in a birth-mother's womb yet or not (although this little one has definitely been conceived in our hearts!!!) but we do know, God can protect our baby.
Infertility has also prepared us for this journey in several ways. It has helped me to trust God more. It has caused me to grieve for our child we planned to conceive and I had planned to carry and give birth too. Our child's birth-mother probably did not plan for this pregnancy, but she will have to grieve the loss of being able to parent her child. As I have mentioned before, it breaks my heart to know we will be the cause of some of her pain. We will be leaving the hospital with her dream. Just as she has something we have not been able to experience - pregnancy and birthing a child, we have something she is not currently able to experience - a loving, stable home to raise a child.
Another hard, but very real topic was discussed this evening. Honestly, it is one of my greatest fears as an adoptive-mom-to-be. There is a very real possibility the birth-mother could change her mind. We will be matched at some point with a birth-mother. She could decide at 9 months she can't go through with the adoption and keep her baby. It's even possible after the baby is born she decides adoption isn't the best for her and her baby or she isn't strong enough. Or even more difficult to fathom, she could decide once we have brought her baby home, she would like to parent her child. Oftentimes, a baby is released from the hospital and would go home with the adoptive parents. The earliest a birth-mother would be asked to sign relinquishment would be 72 hours after the birth (later if it's a weekend or she's on any type of pain medication). This means, we could potentially have a baby in our home to love, take care of, and attach to, only to return the baby to his/her birth-mother a week later. I pray this is something we won't have to experience, but this is where it is so amazing to know God! He is in control and has a perfect plan for everyone involved! There's such amazing peace when you truly believe and know that!
So I guess if you didn't think of Bobby and I as risk-takers before, you should now! Ha! So I'm going to be cheesy for a moment... wait for it...
It's so much easier to be a risk-taker, when you let go of the handlebars!!!
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:3
How beautiful is that verse? God can make ALL things beautiful again! There is so much hope in that verse!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Drumroll, please....
Here are the t-shirt designs Bobby created! They are amazing if I do say so myself! We are selling these shirts for $20 each to raise money for our adoption. The designs are printed on "New Silver"-colored, American Apparel brand shirts, so the shirts are great quality, so soft, and comfortable to wear! We will have some in stock in about a week or 2, but will be also doing pre-sales for when we place our larger order. We will ship (additional shipping fees apply) if you are out of state!!
You can now purchase our shirts if you are out of state, using the "Donate" button on the left side of our blog! Please add $5 for shipping. Thank you sooo much for supporting our adoption!
Price - $20ea.
Sizes - Girls' S-2XL click here for sizing info, Guys' S-2XL click here for sizing info
You can now purchase our shirts if you are out of state, using the "Donate" button on the left side of our blog! Please add $5 for shipping. Thank you sooo much for supporting our adoption!
Price - $20ea.
Sizes - Girls' S-2XL click here for sizing info, Guys' S-2XL click here for sizing info
 |
| Girls' Shirt (smaller and fitted) |
 |
| Guys' Shirt |
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Class 2: Infertility Grief & Loss in Adoption
I was concerned about this class all week.
We would have to tell our stories.
We would have to tell our stories to complete strangers.
Our story is hard.
Our story isn't nearly as hard as it could have been.
We were never blessed with a pregnancy or even a positive pregnancy test for that matter, but we did not suffer a loss through miscarriage or a stillborn baby.
My concern wasn't necessarily in spilling my guts, but that in doing so, I may hurt someone who suffered more than I had. Would I be able to hold it together so that someone who is still grieving the loss of their baby(ies) wouldn't think, "Oh, wow, what's so hard about that? We had several miscarriages and we're still here..."
Before we left I had to pray that God would keep me strong and help me to not appear insensitive.
On the way there, I decided we would share first - our story wasn't "so bad". I wanted to get it out of the way so that we could make time for those with the really tragic and heart-wrenching stories, but we didn't get to go first. The first couple told their story about struggling with infertility, and although they had had a miscarriage, most of their story sounded very similar to ours, and they stayed strong while telling their story. Then the next couple shared. Again, they had also suffered a miscarriage, but were so excited to be in the next phase of God's plan and adopting.
After they shared I quickly raised my hand to be next. This time, I was able to share. Before I began to speak, my heart began to pound so hard, I thought everyone must be able to see it thump through my chest! Then I spoke and God answered the other part of my prayer - I stayed strong!
As the couples continued to share, I began to see that none of our stories were identical, but in so many ways they were all very similar. Two themes seemed to resonate in our stories - God used this time in our lives to strengthen our faith and draw nearer to Him, & He pushed us no further than He knew we could go! There were so many times when I felt like I was DONE and couldn't handle any more. I surprised myself when I could go on, but I know it didn't surprise God! We also all seemed to be at the same place in our grieving at least at this point in time - acceptance!
What a good place to be! Grieving is something that will never go away, but I can have peace! The caseworker said that grieving is like being blindfolded on an emotional roller coaster. You don't know when there will be ups and when there will be downs. My prayer is there will be more ups than downs! It's so funny, but in my own experience, this analogy makes perfect sense. I often wondered why something (baby shower, pregnancy announcement, etc.) triggered so much heartache and devastation, when another - just a week later, I would be perfectly ok!
We didn't have time to go over the class notes since we ended 10 minutes late, but the caseworker who led the class pointed out the "Grief Wheel" that was in our notes. She said grief doesn't follow this order, and you can move back and forth between these stages. I am sure any of you that have lost a loved one or have even gone through infertility yourself have experienced this - Denial --> Anger --> Bargaining --> Loneliness --> Guilt/Shame --> Depression. Speaking for myself, I have experienced all of this during our infertility, some of them more than once and some at the same time. One thing that was particularly hard for me was guilt/shame.
While it wasn't specifically determined (since our infertility is unexplained) I have always felt like it would be hard for me to conceive if even I did at all. In the back of my mind, I thought something was wrong with me even before we started trying. Because of that, I have carried a lot of guilt/shame around. I felt like it was my fault that we couldn't have a child of our own. I felt like less of a woman because I could not carry a child for my husband and was ashamed for taking that from him. Even though I knew that we both wanted to adopt children for a long time and that if we weren't able to conceive, God was telling us to adopt, it took me a long time to let go of that guilt and shame.
My prayer was answered tonight. Even before my prayer tonight, God knew what I needed! I love that God specifically chose this group of couples to be in this class together at this time! I am excited for the weeks to come!
Wow! All I can say is WOW! God is good!
I really have it on my heart to help others who are struggling with infertility or looking into adoption. Please, please, PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can do to help you. I pray you can feel comfortable coming to me and sharing your heart!
We would have to tell our stories.
We would have to tell our stories to complete strangers.
Our story is hard.
Our story isn't nearly as hard as it could have been.
We were never blessed with a pregnancy or even a positive pregnancy test for that matter, but we did not suffer a loss through miscarriage or a stillborn baby.
My concern wasn't necessarily in spilling my guts, but that in doing so, I may hurt someone who suffered more than I had. Would I be able to hold it together so that someone who is still grieving the loss of their baby(ies) wouldn't think, "Oh, wow, what's so hard about that? We had several miscarriages and we're still here..."
Before we left I had to pray that God would keep me strong and help me to not appear insensitive.
On the way there, I decided we would share first - our story wasn't "so bad". I wanted to get it out of the way so that we could make time for those with the really tragic and heart-wrenching stories, but we didn't get to go first. The first couple told their story about struggling with infertility, and although they had had a miscarriage, most of their story sounded very similar to ours, and they stayed strong while telling their story. Then the next couple shared. Again, they had also suffered a miscarriage, but were so excited to be in the next phase of God's plan and adopting.
After they shared I quickly raised my hand to be next. This time, I was able to share. Before I began to speak, my heart began to pound so hard, I thought everyone must be able to see it thump through my chest! Then I spoke and God answered the other part of my prayer - I stayed strong!
As the couples continued to share, I began to see that none of our stories were identical, but in so many ways they were all very similar. Two themes seemed to resonate in our stories - God used this time in our lives to strengthen our faith and draw nearer to Him, & He pushed us no further than He knew we could go! There were so many times when I felt like I was DONE and couldn't handle any more. I surprised myself when I could go on, but I know it didn't surprise God! We also all seemed to be at the same place in our grieving at least at this point in time - acceptance!
What a good place to be! Grieving is something that will never go away, but I can have peace! The caseworker said that grieving is like being blindfolded on an emotional roller coaster. You don't know when there will be ups and when there will be downs. My prayer is there will be more ups than downs! It's so funny, but in my own experience, this analogy makes perfect sense. I often wondered why something (baby shower, pregnancy announcement, etc.) triggered so much heartache and devastation, when another - just a week later, I would be perfectly ok!
We didn't have time to go over the class notes since we ended 10 minutes late, but the caseworker who led the class pointed out the "Grief Wheel" that was in our notes. She said grief doesn't follow this order, and you can move back and forth between these stages. I am sure any of you that have lost a loved one or have even gone through infertility yourself have experienced this - Denial --> Anger --> Bargaining --> Loneliness --> Guilt/Shame --> Depression. Speaking for myself, I have experienced all of this during our infertility, some of them more than once and some at the same time. One thing that was particularly hard for me was guilt/shame.
While it wasn't specifically determined (since our infertility is unexplained) I have always felt like it would be hard for me to conceive if even I did at all. In the back of my mind, I thought something was wrong with me even before we started trying. Because of that, I have carried a lot of guilt/shame around. I felt like it was my fault that we couldn't have a child of our own. I felt like less of a woman because I could not carry a child for my husband and was ashamed for taking that from him. Even though I knew that we both wanted to adopt children for a long time and that if we weren't able to conceive, God was telling us to adopt, it took me a long time to let go of that guilt and shame.
My prayer was answered tonight. Even before my prayer tonight, God knew what I needed! I love that God specifically chose this group of couples to be in this class together at this time! I am excited for the weeks to come!
Wow! All I can say is WOW! God is good!
I really have it on my heart to help others who are struggling with infertility or looking into adoption. Please, please, PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can do to help you. I pray you can feel comfortable coming to me and sharing your heart!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Support Letter
In case you aren't on our mailing list, here is the letter we recently sent out!
Dear Family and Friends,
Two years ago, we decided we were ready to grow our family and began trying to conceive. It didn’t go according to our original plan, but it did and has gone according to God’s plan! During that time, I really struggled with understanding why, but I know now it was to strengthen me and my faith in God, which I am so thankful for now! We have been praying for about a year now for God to guide us in this whole situation. We feel strongly God is telling us to ADOPT! When we were dating and first talking about marriage and children, we both knew if we were unable to have children, it was God’s way of telling us to adopt. That conversation from 10 years ago wasn’t an accident!
We are so excited for this opportunity and feel extremely blessed. How cool is it to be chosen to create a better life for a child?! We know there are unique challenges with the adoption process and parenting a child who has been adopted, but God has put some amazing families in our lives that are great examples and resources.
We are letting go of the handlebars and letting God steer! We are obeying God’s will for our lives and following His lead. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
Our adoption journey has already begun: we have turned in the initial paperwork with our wonderful adoption agency and have met with the adoption caseworker who will be working with us throughout the process. We are about to start the home study and adoption certification process. By the end of this summer we hope to be placed in our agency’s match book. We couldn’t be more excited!
We are asking for your support! We are not sure how or when, but we are SURE God will provide! We know He has a baby chosen to fit our family perfectly; we know He will provide the means to bring Baby Dean home. Please keep our baby, the birthparents, and us in your prayers! We are asking for financial support as well. We are looking into fundraisers to help with the tremendous expense of adoption.
We would love to keep you updated during our journey on our blog — withnohandlebars.blogspot.com!
Thank you so much for your prayers and support!
With Christ’s love,
Bobby & Crystal
Friday, June 3, 2011
Pros & Cons
My friend and I were discussing this today! While I feel led to adopt and feel completely blessed and am excited to do so, I can't help but notice the differences between becoming a mom through pregnancy and becoming a mom through adoption. So here's the list of adoption pros and cons -
Pros Cons
-I don't have to give birth! -I don't get to give birth!
-I don't look like I'm expecting -I don't look like I'm expecting
-Our baby won't look like me -Our baby won't look like my
-No weight gain (hopefully!) handsome husband
-Don't have to decide whether -I will not feel my baby kick or move
or not I should have an epidural from the inside (this one's the hardest!)
-No 6 week wait!!! ;) -Not the one who is in charge of prenatal
-I won't be pregnant in July or -Don't know when our baby's coming
August in Arizona! -No positive pregnancy test -
-I get to provide a better life no running out of the bathroom excitedly
for a child screaming to my husband
*No nausea/morning sickness!
*No blood sugar test
*Don't have to spend money on
maternity clothes
*No hemorrhoids!
*I will look AMAZING right
after our baby is born!
Couldn't line up the "Cons", so my apologies if that's bothering you like it is me! And, if you know how to fix it (without using "tab" because that doesn't work!), feel free to share with me!! I'm sure there's many more things to add to these lists, so we'll consider this post a work in progress!
*Thanks to the awesome mommas who helped me add to the list of Pros! :)
Pros Cons
-I don't have to give birth! -I don't get to give birth!
-I don't look like I'm expecting -I don't look like I'm expecting
-Our baby won't look like me -Our baby won't look like my
-No weight gain (hopefully!) handsome husband
-Don't have to decide whether -I will not feel my baby kick or move
or not I should have an epidural from the inside (this one's the hardest!)
-No 6 week wait!!! ;) -Not the one who is in charge of prenatal
-I won't be pregnant in July or -Don't know when our baby's coming
August in Arizona! -No positive pregnancy test -
-I get to provide a better life no running out of the bathroom excitedly
for a child screaming to my husband
*No nausea/morning sickness!
*No blood sugar test
*Don't have to spend money on
maternity clothes
*No hemorrhoids!
*I will look AMAZING right
after our baby is born!
Couldn't line up the "Cons", so my apologies if that's bothering you like it is me! And, if you know how to fix it (without using "tab" because that doesn't work!), feel free to share with me!! I'm sure there's many more things to add to these lists, so we'll consider this post a work in progress!
*Thanks to the awesome mommas who helped me add to the list of Pros! :)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Class 1 - "Introduction in the Adoption Experience"
So tonight was our first adoption class, and boy, does it feel more real than it has in the past few months! Before class, I was extremely excited to begin this part of the certification process as well as meet other couples in this process. If I am THIS excited NOW, I can't even imagine how I will be when we get the well-anticipated placement phone call! I even had to force myself to eat dinner before we left!
I'm pretty much wide awake at this point now that we are home from our first class, and it's the night before the last day of school! My brain is on overload to say the least. Tonight we went a mile wide and an inch deep in the adoption process (laws, homestudy process, placement, writing a match letter, etc.). We went over what our life may be like over the next 12-18 months, give or take and even stretching to the next 18 years of our child's life. We will have to put our faith in God now more than ever. As hard as the past 2+ years of infertility have been, I can see how God has used that time to prepare us for what may lie ahead. I think there will be many ups and downs, a lot of unknowns, and waiting just as we have experienced, but isn't that how life is?! So thankful to serve a God who knows us and loves us. He knows what we can handle and how far to stretch us! He is bigger than anything we may face!
This class also helped me process what the birth parent(s) are going through. I look forward to learning more about this in the weeks to come. I'm not sure if I could ever express my gratitude enough to our child's birth mother for her strength, selflessness, and bravery! This pregnancy isn't planned, and yet she is willing to put aside any embarrassment or shame to choose life for her baby. Then after carrying this baby for 9 months, once again chooses life for her baby and places him or her into our arms. When our baby is born, she will be saying hello and goodbye to him/her all at the same time. It hurts to think that when we leave the hospital with our baby and are overwhelmed with joy, she will be leaving with empty arms and overwhelmed with heartache.
Side note - I do have to say my favorite part of this whole night was on the way home. I was driving and Bobby was "resting his eyes". Out of no where he says, "Our match book letter is going to be a pop-up book!" Ha! I love that he was thinking about how to market us better! ;)The match book letter is basically a resume/advertisement the agency will give to birth mothers to help them choose a family for their baby (and is only 2-dimensional. Ha!).
I'm pretty much wide awake at this point now that we are home from our first class, and it's the night before the last day of school! My brain is on overload to say the least. Tonight we went a mile wide and an inch deep in the adoption process (laws, homestudy process, placement, writing a match letter, etc.). We went over what our life may be like over the next 12-18 months, give or take and even stretching to the next 18 years of our child's life. We will have to put our faith in God now more than ever. As hard as the past 2+ years of infertility have been, I can see how God has used that time to prepare us for what may lie ahead. I think there will be many ups and downs, a lot of unknowns, and waiting just as we have experienced, but isn't that how life is?! So thankful to serve a God who knows us and loves us. He knows what we can handle and how far to stretch us! He is bigger than anything we may face!
This class also helped me process what the birth parent(s) are going through. I look forward to learning more about this in the weeks to come. I'm not sure if I could ever express my gratitude enough to our child's birth mother for her strength, selflessness, and bravery! This pregnancy isn't planned, and yet she is willing to put aside any embarrassment or shame to choose life for her baby. Then after carrying this baby for 9 months, once again chooses life for her baby and places him or her into our arms. When our baby is born, she will be saying hello and goodbye to him/her all at the same time. It hurts to think that when we leave the hospital with our baby and are overwhelmed with joy, she will be leaving with empty arms and overwhelmed with heartache.
Side note - I do have to say my favorite part of this whole night was on the way home. I was driving and Bobby was "resting his eyes". Out of no where he says, "Our match book letter is going to be a pop-up book!" Ha! I love that he was thinking about how to market us better! ;)The match book letter is basically a resume/advertisement the agency will give to birth mothers to help them choose a family for their baby (and is only 2-dimensional. Ha!).
Monday, May 23, 2011
The process so far
Thanks for joining us on this journey! :) Here is where we are currently -
Last Monday (the 16th) we met with our assigned caseworker for the first time. I have to say, I was beyond excited and so nervous - this was the lady who was going to decide whether or not we are a "healthy" family and would be allowed to adopt a baby! I really had to pray before we met her, because I knew God is really the one who decides if we are capable of being parents, but couldn't shake those feelings. Instantly when we met her, the nervousness melted away though. She was so sweet, and it was so easy to talk to her!
She asked us things like how we came to the decision to adopt, how would we raise a child to love and know God, about our testimonies, and our marriage. We also had the opportunity to ask her questions, and of course, I had nothin'! Thankfully we left with her contact info and can email her day or night!
We also left with a mountain of paperwork! Some of the things included in the paperwork are the Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis (we each fill this out on ourselves and then each other), packet of questions on our childhood and how we plan to raise our child, fingerprint cards, financial worksheets, forms for our dr. to fill out after we get physicals, etc., etc.! This paperwork usually takes couples 4-6 weeks to fill out. Once it's turned in, the home study process can begin.
We have registered for our agency's adoption classes, which start in a week!!! There are 7 classes total covering these topics: "Introduction in the Adoption Experience", "Infertility: Grief & Loss in Adoption", "Healthy Adoption Experience", "Raising the Adopted Child", "The Birthparent Experience", "Covenant and Commitment" (because this is an open adoption, we will create a covenant with the birthparents as to how we will stay in contact with one another - more info on this later!), and "Special Needs & Cross Cultural Adoptions".
Last Monday (the 16th) we met with our assigned caseworker for the first time. I have to say, I was beyond excited and so nervous - this was the lady who was going to decide whether or not we are a "healthy" family and would be allowed to adopt a baby! I really had to pray before we met her, because I knew God is really the one who decides if we are capable of being parents, but couldn't shake those feelings. Instantly when we met her, the nervousness melted away though. She was so sweet, and it was so easy to talk to her!
She asked us things like how we came to the decision to adopt, how would we raise a child to love and know God, about our testimonies, and our marriage. We also had the opportunity to ask her questions, and of course, I had nothin'! Thankfully we left with her contact info and can email her day or night!
We also left with a mountain of paperwork! Some of the things included in the paperwork are the Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis (we each fill this out on ourselves and then each other), packet of questions on our childhood and how we plan to raise our child, fingerprint cards, financial worksheets, forms for our dr. to fill out after we get physicals, etc., etc.! This paperwork usually takes couples 4-6 weeks to fill out. Once it's turned in, the home study process can begin.
We have registered for our agency's adoption classes, which start in a week!!! There are 7 classes total covering these topics: "Introduction in the Adoption Experience", "Infertility: Grief & Loss in Adoption", "Healthy Adoption Experience", "Raising the Adopted Child", "The Birthparent Experience", "Covenant and Commitment" (because this is an open adoption, we will create a covenant with the birthparents as to how we will stay in contact with one another - more info on this later!), and "Special Needs & Cross Cultural Adoptions".
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Babies R Us, Pregnant R Not
Over the past couple of years, I have had the opportunity to shop for expectant friends and family members. It was always a bittersweet feeling, one I can't really describe, roaming the aisles filled with all things baby! Of course I was overjoyed with excitement for those mothers and soon-to-be mothers, but deeply saddened, because I wanted nothing more than to be shopping for a baby of our own!
We got to visit our "old" church today on Resurrection Day! On the way back home, we decided to see if Babies R Us was open - they sell these super cute frames that say "I Love Grandma!" on them. We were going to give them to our moms for Mother's Day and make our adoption announcement. They actually were open today, but were out of the frames! Gotta come up with Plan B!
Anyway... We walked into BRU, and it was an amazing, exciting feeling! Today we were now shopping for our baby, no one else's - OURS! It was so fun to look at all the little clothes (they now sell Under Armour baby clothes- how cool is that!? Bobby was especially excited!) and roam the aisles filled with all things baby! During this fun shopping experience, it got me thinking though and was able to talk to a good friend who is going through the adoption process about it afterward. When we are shopping, it's not obvious we're expecting although we are expecting... a baby through adoption! I don't have the protruding baby bump or the tell-tale pregnant mama waddle. When sales associates approach us in the store, will we hear things like, "Who are you shopping for today?" "Are you looking for a gift?" "Wow! You're buying a crib? What a generous gift!"
Please don't misunderstand me, I am beyond thrilled to be able to adopt a child! Just wanted to take a moment to share my thoughts as a mom-to-be, who happens-to-be adopting! Every day I dream about what our baby will look like! Will he or she have dark hair, red hair, blond hair? Will it be curly, wavy, or straight? Will our baby have brown, green, blue, or hazel eyes? Will our baby be Hispanic, black, white, Asian, or all of the above!
We got to visit our "old" church today on Resurrection Day! On the way back home, we decided to see if Babies R Us was open - they sell these super cute frames that say "I Love Grandma!" on them. We were going to give them to our moms for Mother's Day and make our adoption announcement. They actually were open today, but were out of the frames! Gotta come up with Plan B!
Anyway... We walked into BRU, and it was an amazing, exciting feeling! Today we were now shopping for our baby, no one else's - OURS! It was so fun to look at all the little clothes (they now sell Under Armour baby clothes- how cool is that!? Bobby was especially excited!) and roam the aisles filled with all things baby! During this fun shopping experience, it got me thinking though and was able to talk to a good friend who is going through the adoption process about it afterward. When we are shopping, it's not obvious we're expecting although we are expecting... a baby through adoption! I don't have the protruding baby bump or the tell-tale pregnant mama waddle. When sales associates approach us in the store, will we hear things like, "Who are you shopping for today?" "Are you looking for a gift?" "Wow! You're buying a crib? What a generous gift!"
Please don't misunderstand me, I am beyond thrilled to be able to adopt a child! Just wanted to take a moment to share my thoughts as a mom-to-be, who happens-to-be adopting! Every day I dream about what our baby will look like! Will he or she have dark hair, red hair, blond hair? Will it be curly, wavy, or straight? Will our baby have brown, green, blue, or hazel eyes? Will our baby be Hispanic, black, white, Asian, or all of the above!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Why No Handlebars?
"No Handlebars" came from a conversation we had a few months ago (even before we requested info from the agency!) after I posed the question, "Do you think we should start a blog about our adoption journey?" After the "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," I immediately responded with, "What should we call it?!?!" Those of you who know me well know sometimes I forget the details and head straight to the "fun" stuff especially in the beginning stages of a thought, plan, etc.! I began throwing out names to Bobby (because of course I had already been thinking about it for days!) and none seemed to fit our lives and the amazing faith journey God has taken us in the last few months (aside from adoption). Somehow, out of nowhere (must be God's idea then!) one of us threw out the idea of "No Handlebars" and it was perfect for two reasons - First, Bobby is an avid mountain bike rider and thinks all things bike are pretty sweet! Second, as I mentioned before, we have been on a faith journey and I, for one, have been learning to TRUST and put all of my faith in God, and He has blown me away with his awesomeness when I do that! So we are letting go of the handlebars in our ride through life, not just in adding to our family, and letting God steer!
Paperwork - I hear this is only the beginning!
It's so strange posting to a blog no one yet knows exists - although somewhat therapeutic. Until we share the big news (CAN'T WAIT!) I guess it's more of an online journal than a blog! Anyway, we received our paperwork almost 2 months ago, which was just a couple of days after contacting the adoption agency. Not sure if I have ever been so excited to get mail before - let alone mail that involved paperwork!! After spending some time in prayer and wanting to wait until our house sold, we began to fill it out a couple of weeks ago. Bobby is the rational, thoughtful one and helped me come to the realization of how important this paperwork is, and we shouldn't just rush through! He reminded me God has chosen a baby for our family and regardless of how soon I turn in the the application, God would give this little blessing to us in His time - not mine! Lord, you picked a perfect partner for me!
For those of you who may be new to this whole adoption thing (like us!), the initial paperwork consists of adoption FAQs, state requirements, our adoption agency's definition of a healthy family, a list of adoption fees (wowza! but God will provide!), an explanation of open adoption (description of "open adoption" will be another post, another day), list and explanation of adoption classes, and the parts we fill out - parent (us! we're going to be parents!!) information sheet, statement of faith (because we are going through a Christian agency), and a pastoral reference.
For those of you who may be new to this whole adoption thing (like us!), the initial paperwork consists of adoption FAQs, state requirements, our adoption agency's definition of a healthy family, a list of adoption fees (wowza! but God will provide!), an explanation of open adoption (description of "open adoption" will be another post, another day), list and explanation of adoption classes, and the parts we fill out - parent (us! we're going to be parents!!) information sheet, statement of faith (because we are going through a Christian agency), and a pastoral reference.
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