I think we are getting pretty good at waiting now. I would even dare to say we're waiting patiently. When I say we, I really mean me - those who know Bobby, know he is as patient as they come! Maybe it's easier for me to be patient because we've (I've) gotten better at waiting over the past couple of years or at least used to waiting. Maybe we're (I'm) more patient, because it's all we can really do. Maybe we're (I'm) more patient, because we've let go of the handlebars and are waiting on God and His always-perfect timing.
So as I mentioned, we're waiting. Patiently.
Just wanted to clue you in to where we are in the process - we are waiting on the next step in adoption certification. We submitted all of our paperwork at our final class about 3 weeks ago, so we are just waiting for them to look over everything and start our home study. From what we've been told, the home study consists of about 3-4 meetings with our caseworker, and at least one of those visits must occur in our home (of course!). The home study looks more into the type of home we will provide rather than the actual house in which we live.
We aren't idle while we are waiting though. We are looking into other possible fundraisers and grants; however, grant applications can't be submitted until we are certified. If you have any ideas on how to raise the funds to bring our little cupcake home, please share! A huge THANK YOU to all of you who have so generously prayed, contributed money, or bought t-shirts. What a blessing! We know God will provide, and we are so grateful for your prayers and support!
And after this next step, we'll wait some more - we will be waiting on God to send us our baby! Yay!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Class 7: Special Needs and Cross Cultural Adoption
It's been awhile... Sorry for the delay! The past two weeks have definitely been crazy - testing the incoming kindergarteners, training, meetings, setting up my room for the new school year, Parent Orientation, Meet the Teacher Night... well, you get the picture!
This class was by far my favorite, and the one I have been looking forward to the most. It has been the desire of my heart to not only be a mom, but a mom in a multiracial/multicultural family. I think it's a beautiful and amazing thing when God combines people from different cultures, backgrounds, race, and ethnicity to create a family. It mirrors all of us as 1 family - His family - 1 unit - as the body of Christ across the world.
On this night, 2 sets of parents came to speak about their experiences with adoption - 1 family has adopted 2 children with special needs, the other has adopted 2 children cross culturally and are in the process of adopting their 5th child. They spoke about how the public has perceived their adoptions - good or bad. Specifically, the family who has adopted outside of the parents' race, talked about how in Phoenix, generally people are accepting of their family, but experienced something very different when they visited Chicago. On one occasion, they went out to eat as a family. They waited... and waited... and waited some more... to be served, and yet no one came. Finally, the hostess who sat them came over (embarrassed) and said, "I guess I'm your server today!"
Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be OK with our decision, just as not everyone is OK with the two of us married (Bobby - Hispanic, and me - white) or that I wear jeans all summer long or that I might wear white shoes after Labor Day! - that's the kind of world we live in - people judge (I'm guilty of it too!), but we do have to be conscious and aware of how this may affect our child in the future. Thankfully our family and friends are supportive of our decision and will love on our child and celebrate his/her heritage with us. If it weren't for their support, I don't think this would necessarily be a healthy decision for our child.
If you are considering becoming transracial adoptive parents, please also consider the following points from "Transracial Adoption: Then & Now" by Sherry Anderson,
-Consider race seriously: Avoiding a characteristic as significant as race of an individual is to deny the value and beauty of that part of the person.
-Explore your capacity to be comfortable with difference: Are you anxious if you stand out, if people stare at you or confront you? Do you feel less than okay if you are different from your peers?
-Be honest with your family and friends as you plan and dream: Listen to their reactions. Think about the level and type of support they currently provide and how much you need them in your life.
-When thinking of adoption older children whose cultural/racial background is different than yours, be aware of their cultural experiences to date: Have they always lived in homes of their culture? Do they have life experiences with persons of the majority culture, not counting their caseworker? Are they able to express fears and concerns they may have based on these experiences?
-Survey your community-schools, places of worship, playgrounds. Who is there? Will your child find role models and peers who look like him/her? If the answer is "No," are you willing to relocate and integrate yourself into a community that does offer positive cultural experiences for your child?
This class was by far my favorite, and the one I have been looking forward to the most. It has been the desire of my heart to not only be a mom, but a mom in a multiracial/multicultural family. I think it's a beautiful and amazing thing when God combines people from different cultures, backgrounds, race, and ethnicity to create a family. It mirrors all of us as 1 family - His family - 1 unit - as the body of Christ across the world.
On this night, 2 sets of parents came to speak about their experiences with adoption - 1 family has adopted 2 children with special needs, the other has adopted 2 children cross culturally and are in the process of adopting their 5th child. They spoke about how the public has perceived their adoptions - good or bad. Specifically, the family who has adopted outside of the parents' race, talked about how in Phoenix, generally people are accepting of their family, but experienced something very different when they visited Chicago. On one occasion, they went out to eat as a family. They waited... and waited... and waited some more... to be served, and yet no one came. Finally, the hostess who sat them came over (embarrassed) and said, "I guess I'm your server today!"
Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be OK with our decision, just as not everyone is OK with the two of us married (Bobby - Hispanic, and me - white) or that I wear jeans all summer long or that I might wear white shoes after Labor Day! - that's the kind of world we live in - people judge (I'm guilty of it too!), but we do have to be conscious and aware of how this may affect our child in the future. Thankfully our family and friends are supportive of our decision and will love on our child and celebrate his/her heritage with us. If it weren't for their support, I don't think this would necessarily be a healthy decision for our child.
If you are considering becoming transracial adoptive parents, please also consider the following points from "Transracial Adoption: Then & Now" by Sherry Anderson,
-Consider race seriously: Avoiding a characteristic as significant as race of an individual is to deny the value and beauty of that part of the person.
-Explore your capacity to be comfortable with difference: Are you anxious if you stand out, if people stare at you or confront you? Do you feel less than okay if you are different from your peers?
-Be honest with your family and friends as you plan and dream: Listen to their reactions. Think about the level and type of support they currently provide and how much you need them in your life.
-When thinking of adoption older children whose cultural/racial background is different than yours, be aware of their cultural experiences to date: Have they always lived in homes of their culture? Do they have life experiences with persons of the majority culture, not counting their caseworker? Are they able to express fears and concerns they may have based on these experiences?
-Survey your community-schools, places of worship, playgrounds. Who is there? Will your child find role models and peers who look like him/her? If the answer is "No," are you willing to relocate and integrate yourself into a community that does offer positive cultural experiences for your child?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Class 6: Covenant & Commitment
We aren't just adding a baby to our family of 2 (Oops! Family of 4 - can't forget Oliver and Fitzy! Sorry, pups!), but we will also be adding a whole other family! I love how one adoptive mom said it, "The more people to love my child the better," and Bobby and I couldn't agree more! Now of course I know this may not always be sunshine and lollipops. Think about that one person in your family - the one that makes the saying "You can't choose your family" all the more devastating. If you can't think of who in your family this could be, take a look in the mirror... ;) We could vary well be adding a crazy aunt into the mix without knowing it! Ha! Remember my post a few weeks ago - Bobby and I are "risk takers". ;)
Last night's class was all about creating a covenant with the birth-parent(s) in regards to how we will establish and maintain contact and develop a relationship as our child grows. We looked at an example of an adoption plan or covenant. It is a little overwhelming initially as it is very detailed in order to protect all involved especially the child. Our hope and prayer is that a beautiful relationship develops from this and following these terms will be easy and natural. Here are just a few terms from the example covenant -
"It has been agreed that during the first quarter following placement, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. During the remainder of the first year, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. In ongoing years, meetings will be held _____ [times per year]. Meetings will be held more often if both parties agree. Either party may initiate meetings, with the understanding that all meetings should be held in advance. Specific dates, times and location of meetings will be arranged between the parties."
"It was agreed that meetings may include _____ [name of specific person]. Out of respect for both parties, any other family or friends may not join in the meetings without the prior knowledge and approval of all parties. Visits may be canceled if either party brings an unexpected guest or guests to the meeting."
"The adoptive parents agreed to allow birth parent to purchase items for child not exceeding $___. Gifts may be given at ____ [birthday, Christmas, etc.]"
"It was decided that phone calls, e-mails and gifts from other birth-family members may ____ [occur/not occur]."
As I mentioned these are just a few of the items covered in the covenant agreement. Other things can be included if necessary such as a term regarding social media or permission to publish photos. Or, if needed, an item about birth-mother/father needing to be sober or clean during a meeting.
One of the great things about going through our agency or almost any agency for that matter, is the ongoing support we have with them. They can provide counseling or mediation if that is ever necessary. They can also hold letters, pictures, etc. in a file so that if contact is lost with the birth-mother or birth-father, he/she can obtain those from the agency when able to.
We really love our agency and the hearts of those working there! God has definitely blessed us with amazing support. Although we knew open adoption was the best for our child and this was part of the reason we chose our agency, this whole process would have been too much to handle without the support of our agency, and of course all of the amazing family and friends!
Thank you, God, for surrounding us with all this love and support! We are truly blessed! Thank you for making it easier to let go of the handlebars!
Last night's class was all about creating a covenant with the birth-parent(s) in regards to how we will establish and maintain contact and develop a relationship as our child grows. We looked at an example of an adoption plan or covenant. It is a little overwhelming initially as it is very detailed in order to protect all involved especially the child. Our hope and prayer is that a beautiful relationship develops from this and following these terms will be easy and natural. Here are just a few terms from the example covenant -
"It has been agreed that during the first quarter following placement, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. During the remainder of the first year, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. In ongoing years, meetings will be held _____ [times per year]. Meetings will be held more often if both parties agree. Either party may initiate meetings, with the understanding that all meetings should be held in advance. Specific dates, times and location of meetings will be arranged between the parties."
"It was agreed that meetings may include _____ [name of specific person]. Out of respect for both parties, any other family or friends may not join in the meetings without the prior knowledge and approval of all parties. Visits may be canceled if either party brings an unexpected guest or guests to the meeting."
"The adoptive parents agreed to allow birth parent to purchase items for child not exceeding $___. Gifts may be given at ____ [birthday, Christmas, etc.]"
"It was decided that phone calls, e-mails and gifts from other birth-family members may ____ [occur/not occur]."
As I mentioned these are just a few of the items covered in the covenant agreement. Other things can be included if necessary such as a term regarding social media or permission to publish photos. Or, if needed, an item about birth-mother/father needing to be sober or clean during a meeting.
One of the great things about going through our agency or almost any agency for that matter, is the ongoing support we have with them. They can provide counseling or mediation if that is ever necessary. They can also hold letters, pictures, etc. in a file so that if contact is lost with the birth-mother or birth-father, he/she can obtain those from the agency when able to.
We really love our agency and the hearts of those working there! God has definitely blessed us with amazing support. Although we knew open adoption was the best for our child and this was part of the reason we chose our agency, this whole process would have been too much to handle without the support of our agency, and of course all of the amazing family and friends!
Thank you, God, for surrounding us with all this love and support! We are truly blessed! Thank you for making it easier to let go of the handlebars!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Good Grief
Is grief ever good?
Grief is funny. It sneaks up on you and can surprise you, but maybe on this day I surprised it. On Friday, Bobby and I headed to the Dr. for physicals for our adoption certification. One of the questions the dr. has to answer on the physician's report for our agency is "Is there any reason this individual cannot have children of his/her own?" I saw the doctor write on Bobby's form, "Wife unable to conceive," and for a split second it hit me. Grief. But it didn't overtake me. It was almost as if a needle pierced my skin to draw blood. I felt the pinch briefly, but then it was over just as quickly as it began. Was it always that "easy"?? NO!!! From now on, will it always be that "easy"?? Not sure, but here is what I do know -
The Bible talks about grief. It doesn't say that it's unacceptable. It doesn't say you are wrong for grieving. When Lazarus died, Jesus wept openly, even though He knew He would soon bring him back from the dead. Jesus, in all ways perfect, grieved or felt sorrow in stories throughout the Bible. Whether or not He grieved because He was troubled or because He empathized in each of these stories, it shows He is a God who cares. If the Creator of the Universe grieves, and we are created in His image, then isn't it OK for us to do the same?
Beth Moore writes, "God's Word never said we were not to grieve our losses. It says we are not to grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thess. 4:13). Big difference." Solid faith does not prevent someone from grieving, but because of our faith there can and should be hope as we grieve!
3 steps to recovery (CBN.com)
Grieve - Though grief is bitter, we must let sorrow run it's natural course. Isaiah 53:3b describes Jesus as "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Denying or repressing pain can lead to emotional problems.
Believe - We need to put our faith in God's promises, trusting that our Heavenly Father knows best and that His understanding is perfect. Isaiah 55:9 says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, My thoughts than your thoughts."
Receive - God desires to give us comfort, but we need to reach out and accept it. Through prayer and meditation on His Word, we can find a place in God's presence where He will wrap His arms around us as a loving father would console his hurting child.
How you can help others who are grieving (CBN.com)
-Ask God for guidance in when to speak and what to say.
-Encourage the bereaved person to share his or her feelings, then be a good listener and don't judge what is said. Romans 12:15b says, "Weep with those who weep."
-Avoid platitudes. Let the person feel sorrow without implying that he or she should "cheer up" or "be joyful in the Lord," as this could give impression you are questioning the person's spirituality.
-Don't push or preach, but if the person indicates an openness, pray and share meaningful Scriptures.
-Do simple things without being asked, such as bringing a meal or mowing the lawn.
Loss can hit us at any moment, but we must remember it is good to grieve, and allow ourselves to do so!
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to grieve and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4.
Grief is funny. It sneaks up on you and can surprise you, but maybe on this day I surprised it. On Friday, Bobby and I headed to the Dr. for physicals for our adoption certification. One of the questions the dr. has to answer on the physician's report for our agency is "Is there any reason this individual cannot have children of his/her own?" I saw the doctor write on Bobby's form, "Wife unable to conceive," and for a split second it hit me. Grief. But it didn't overtake me. It was almost as if a needle pierced my skin to draw blood. I felt the pinch briefly, but then it was over just as quickly as it began. Was it always that "easy"?? NO!!! From now on, will it always be that "easy"?? Not sure, but here is what I do know -
The Bible talks about grief. It doesn't say that it's unacceptable. It doesn't say you are wrong for grieving. When Lazarus died, Jesus wept openly, even though He knew He would soon bring him back from the dead. Jesus, in all ways perfect, grieved or felt sorrow in stories throughout the Bible. Whether or not He grieved because He was troubled or because He empathized in each of these stories, it shows He is a God who cares. If the Creator of the Universe grieves, and we are created in His image, then isn't it OK for us to do the same?
Beth Moore writes, "God's Word never said we were not to grieve our losses. It says we are not to grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thess. 4:13). Big difference." Solid faith does not prevent someone from grieving, but because of our faith there can and should be hope as we grieve!
3 steps to recovery (CBN.com)
Grieve - Though grief is bitter, we must let sorrow run it's natural course. Isaiah 53:3b describes Jesus as "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." Denying or repressing pain can lead to emotional problems.
Believe - We need to put our faith in God's promises, trusting that our Heavenly Father knows best and that His understanding is perfect. Isaiah 55:9 says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, My thoughts than your thoughts."
Receive - God desires to give us comfort, but we need to reach out and accept it. Through prayer and meditation on His Word, we can find a place in God's presence where He will wrap His arms around us as a loving father would console his hurting child.
How you can help others who are grieving (CBN.com)
-Ask God for guidance in when to speak and what to say.
-Encourage the bereaved person to share his or her feelings, then be a good listener and don't judge what is said. Romans 12:15b says, "Weep with those who weep."
-Avoid platitudes. Let the person feel sorrow without implying that he or she should "cheer up" or "be joyful in the Lord," as this could give impression you are questioning the person's spirituality.
-Don't push or preach, but if the person indicates an openness, pray and share meaningful Scriptures.
-Do simple things without being asked, such as bringing a meal or mowing the lawn.
Loss can hit us at any moment, but we must remember it is good to grieve, and allow ourselves to do so!
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to cry and a time to laugh, a time to grieve and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Class 5: Birth Parent Experience
Wow! What a week!
We had an amazing time at 5-6th grade summer camp this week. So cool to see God work in the lives of these pre-teens, and I am so excited to see how He uses them! So thankful to be part of that.
Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of camp, we had to leave camp in Prescott for our 5th adoption class in Phoenix. My 5th & 6th grade girls were so sweet and supportive of our adoption, and us leaving midweek. A couple of them asked if we would bring the baby back with us on Wednesday (had to do a little more explaining!).
This class was by far my favorite. I think Bobby would agree as well. I think it was because it brought to life one of the aspects of adoption we didn't really know much about. We also had some guest speakers. We went a little more in depth on what birth-parents go through. It was definitely heart-breaking to hear about the adoption experience through their eyes, but so insightful. It really reiterated how strong of a person they have to be and how much they really do love their child to want so much more for him or her.
We had 3 guest speakers that night - a birth mother and 2 adoptive parents. Typically in this class they have the birth-mother and the adoptive parents who adopted her child, but this time it was 2 different families. I actually really liked that we were able to hear 2 different stories v. just 1.
The birth-mother was maybe 20?? and I believe her son is now 1. She spoke of how she was adopted as well and how she knew in her heart adoption would be the way to make a better life for her son. His father was in jail, and she knew having a baby in her home with her brother and parents would potentially be a source of stress and strain. She wanted her son to never feel as if he was a burden. She wanted him to always feel loved, and so she choose adoption for her child even though she had very little support from her family. Currently she has an amazing relationship with the family who adopted her son and is helping other birth-mothers!
The adoptive parents who spoke have adopted 2 girls (1 is now 3, and the other is 1). Their 1st daughter came into their lives after only being certified to adopt for 5 weeks! They received a "hospital call" on April Fool's Day. For those of you who are not familiar with that term, a hospital call is when a birth-mother decides when in labor or just after the birth to place the child for adoption, and you are selected! They were matched with their 2nd daughter when the birth-mother was about 8 months pregnant (again after being in the matchbook for only 5 weeks!). They were relieved to think they had about a month to prepare for this baby, but the relief quickly faded when a couple of days later they received the call that the birth-mother was in pre-term labor! They also discussed their current relationships with the birth-families of both of their daughters.
There was not a dry-eye (well for the women, anyway!) when these 3 amazing people shared their stories. It made it seem even more real that soon we will have our own baby in our home, and hopefully another family in our lives to love on! So excited to see how God brings it all together - even if that means it all happens within a few weeks of being certified!
We had an amazing time at 5-6th grade summer camp this week. So cool to see God work in the lives of these pre-teens, and I am so excited to see how He uses them! So thankful to be part of that.
Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of camp, we had to leave camp in Prescott for our 5th adoption class in Phoenix. My 5th & 6th grade girls were so sweet and supportive of our adoption, and us leaving midweek. A couple of them asked if we would bring the baby back with us on Wednesday (had to do a little more explaining!).
This class was by far my favorite. I think Bobby would agree as well. I think it was because it brought to life one of the aspects of adoption we didn't really know much about. We also had some guest speakers. We went a little more in depth on what birth-parents go through. It was definitely heart-breaking to hear about the adoption experience through their eyes, but so insightful. It really reiterated how strong of a person they have to be and how much they really do love their child to want so much more for him or her.
We had 3 guest speakers that night - a birth mother and 2 adoptive parents. Typically in this class they have the birth-mother and the adoptive parents who adopted her child, but this time it was 2 different families. I actually really liked that we were able to hear 2 different stories v. just 1.
The birth-mother was maybe 20?? and I believe her son is now 1. She spoke of how she was adopted as well and how she knew in her heart adoption would be the way to make a better life for her son. His father was in jail, and she knew having a baby in her home with her brother and parents would potentially be a source of stress and strain. She wanted her son to never feel as if he was a burden. She wanted him to always feel loved, and so she choose adoption for her child even though she had very little support from her family. Currently she has an amazing relationship with the family who adopted her son and is helping other birth-mothers!
The adoptive parents who spoke have adopted 2 girls (1 is now 3, and the other is 1). Their 1st daughter came into their lives after only being certified to adopt for 5 weeks! They received a "hospital call" on April Fool's Day. For those of you who are not familiar with that term, a hospital call is when a birth-mother decides when in labor or just after the birth to place the child for adoption, and you are selected! They were matched with their 2nd daughter when the birth-mother was about 8 months pregnant (again after being in the matchbook for only 5 weeks!). They were relieved to think they had about a month to prepare for this baby, but the relief quickly faded when a couple of days later they received the call that the birth-mother was in pre-term labor! They also discussed their current relationships with the birth-families of both of their daughters.
There was not a dry-eye (well for the women, anyway!) when these 3 amazing people shared their stories. It made it seem even more real that soon we will have our own baby in our home, and hopefully another family in our lives to love on! So excited to see how God brings it all together - even if that means it all happens within a few weeks of being certified!
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