We aren't just adding a baby to our family of 2 (Oops! Family of 4 - can't forget Oliver and Fitzy! Sorry, pups!), but we will also be adding a whole other family! I love how one adoptive mom said it, "The more people to love my child the better," and Bobby and I couldn't agree more! Now of course I know this may not always be sunshine and lollipops. Think about that one person in your family - the one that makes the saying "You can't choose your family" all the more devastating. If you can't think of who in your family this could be, take a look in the mirror... ;) We could vary well be adding a crazy aunt into the mix without knowing it! Ha! Remember my post a few weeks ago - Bobby and I are "risk takers". ;)
Last night's class was all about creating a covenant with the birth-parent(s) in regards to how we will establish and maintain contact and develop a relationship as our child grows. We looked at an example of an adoption plan or covenant. It is a little overwhelming initially as it is very detailed in order to protect all involved especially the child. Our hope and prayer is that a beautiful relationship develops from this and following these terms will be easy and natural. Here are just a few terms from the example covenant -
"It has been agreed that during the first quarter following placement, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. During the remainder of the first year, meetings will be held ___ [times per year]. In ongoing years, meetings will be held _____ [times per year]. Meetings will be held more often if both parties agree. Either party may initiate meetings, with the understanding that all meetings should be held in advance. Specific dates, times and location of meetings will be arranged between the parties."
"It was agreed that meetings may include _____ [name of specific person]. Out of respect for both parties, any other family or friends may not join in the meetings without the prior knowledge and approval of all parties. Visits may be canceled if either party brings an unexpected guest or guests to the meeting."
"The adoptive parents agreed to allow birth parent to purchase items for child not exceeding $___. Gifts may be given at ____ [birthday, Christmas, etc.]"
"It was decided that phone calls, e-mails and gifts from other birth-family members may ____ [occur/not occur]."
As I mentioned these are just a few of the items covered in the covenant agreement. Other things can be included if necessary such as a term regarding social media or permission to publish photos. Or, if needed, an item about birth-mother/father needing to be sober or clean during a meeting.
One of the great things about going through our agency or almost any agency for that matter, is the ongoing support we have with them. They can provide counseling or mediation if that is ever necessary. They can also hold letters, pictures, etc. in a file so that if contact is lost with the birth-mother or birth-father, he/she can obtain those from the agency when able to.
We really love our agency and the hearts of those working there! God has definitely blessed us with amazing support. Although we knew open adoption was the best for our child and this was part of the reason we chose our agency, this whole process would have been too much to handle without the support of our agency, and of course all of the amazing family and friends!
Thank you, God, for surrounding us with all this love and support! We are truly blessed! Thank you for making it easier to let go of the handlebars!
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