One thing that sticks out most from this evening was what No Handlebars is all about - Letting Go & Letting God Steer! It is amazing to look back on our entire lives even before we knew each other and how God has used so many different experiences in our lives to shape us into the people we are today and the adoptive parents we will be tomorrow (No, there is not something you should know! This would be a completely different post! I meant that figuratively speaking!!). Just as He knit me together in my mother's womb and knows every hair on my head, He has known the path He has laid out for me.
There are 3 specific things which have happened in my life that I think have helped me prepare for this journey and to help me relate more to our child and his or her birth-mother. When I was going through those things, I knew there was a reason for them, but it wasn't revealed to me until recently. Even when we go through storms in our lives, we have to TRUST God knows far more than we do, and has a reason (oftentimes several reasons!) for those storms or experiences.
Without going into too much detail, one of the things I have experienced in my life is the feeling of rejection. Whether or not I was rejected by a specific person may not have been a reality, but it was and still feels very real to me to this very day. It was/is my reality. I can't help but wonder if our child may feel that way. He or she will be placed for adoption. Of course, this mother will be placing her child in our arms out of selflessness and love for her child, not because she is rejecting him or her, but I wonder if our child may feel rejected because of this at times. Even if it may not be reality, will it feel very real to him or her? My prayer is we will be able to have an open adoption where our child knows his/her birth-family and is comfortable to ask us and his/her birth-mother those questions when/if those heavy feelings arise.
Some time ago, my husband and I took a birth-mother into our home for a short period. We didn't realize it at that time, but for that very short period we were able to see first hand, what may be going on in a birth-mother's life for her to want to chose something better for her child. I think this will help us to have greater empathy for our child's birth-mom.
On that same note, we have also seen how God, through our prayers, can protect tiny little babies from harmful things some birth-mothers are putting into their bodies. That's why we have been praying for our little baby now (and ask you to do the same if you haven't already!). We don't know if our baby has been conceived in a birth-mother's womb yet or not (although this little one has definitely been conceived in our hearts!!!) but we do know, God can protect our baby.
Infertility has also prepared us for this journey in several ways. It has helped me to trust God more. It has caused me to grieve for our child we planned to conceive and I had planned to carry and give birth too. Our child's birth-mother probably did not plan for this pregnancy, but she will have to grieve the loss of being able to parent her child. As I have mentioned before, it breaks my heart to know we will be the cause of some of her pain. We will be leaving the hospital with her dream. Just as she has something we have not been able to experience - pregnancy and birthing a child, we have something she is not currently able to experience - a loving, stable home to raise a child.
Another hard, but very real topic was discussed this evening. Honestly, it is one of my greatest fears as an adoptive-mom-to-be. There is a very real possibility the birth-mother could change her mind. We will be matched at some point with a birth-mother. She could decide at 9 months she can't go through with the adoption and keep her baby. It's even possible after the baby is born she decides adoption isn't the best for her and her baby or she isn't strong enough. Or even more difficult to fathom, she could decide once we have brought her baby home, she would like to parent her child. Oftentimes, a baby is released from the hospital and would go home with the adoptive parents. The earliest a birth-mother would be asked to sign relinquishment would be 72 hours after the birth (later if it's a weekend or she's on any type of pain medication). This means, we could potentially have a baby in our home to love, take care of, and attach to, only to return the baby to his/her birth-mother a week later. I pray this is something we won't have to experience, but this is where it is so amazing to know God! He is in control and has a perfect plan for everyone involved! There's such amazing peace when you truly believe and know that!
So I guess if you didn't think of Bobby and I as risk-takers before, you should now! Ha! So I'm going to be cheesy for a moment... wait for it...
It's so much easier to be a risk-taker, when you let go of the handlebars!!!
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
Isaiah 61:3
How beautiful is that verse? God can make ALL things beautiful again! There is so much hope in that verse!
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